


A Mistaken Kiss

by baeconandeggs, morethanalover (cirruscitrus)



Series: BAE2018 [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 12:00:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14618066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/cirruscitrus/pseuds/morethanalover
Summary: It’s the end cycle of a new moon. The pull from the gravity of the moon is on its lowest level, so theoretically, everything will fall easier to the ground. That’s the only thing that makes sense, when Chanyeol falls slowly, closing the gap between his trembling mouth and Baekhyun’s serene one. But it's a mistake.





	A Mistaken Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:**  BAE616
> 
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authorjs will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended. 
> 
> **Author's Note:** For everyone who can see the invisible thread that connects them beyond time and space. For the mods who tirelessly hosting and managing this outstanding creativity celebration every year, be proud! For authors who inspire me to cook the bacon myself after years being served so well, this is my humble dedication, please take the front seat. Special thanks to M for making this fic decent to be read. And finally, dear prompter, hope I don't disappoint you too much ;;

 

Prologue

 

This essay is due Tuesday 00:00 am. He takes a quick glance at the time on the corner of his laptop screen, there is 36 minutes left. He only needs four to five sentences to conclude everything, he will make it.

 

His concentration sharpens as seconds pass, fingers typing in a quick motion. The sound of rain outside washes away any sound that’s possible to disrupt his brain’s work, turning ideas into words.  

 

_ And I don’t want the world to see me! _

_ Cause I don’t think that they’d understand! _

 

_ Shit. _ Closing statement. 

 

_ When everything’s made to be broken!  _

_ I just want you to know who I am! _

 

A full stop, done. He groans, reaching his angry blaring phone on his bed. Who still uses their favorite song as ringtone today? Park Chanyeol does. His eyes zoom in on the caller ID, half surprised and half expectant that this call will be made. He slides his thumb on the screen then presses the device to his ear.

 

“Hello? Am I speaking with Park Yoda?”

 

_ That little shithead,  _ he mutters before answering, “Yes, who is this? Isn’t this Baekhyun’s number?”

 

“Uh, yes it is. I’m sorry, but your friend’s collapsed at our bar and we’re going to close soon. We tried to wake him but he drank too much. Um, sorry, without permission we had to use his phone to call someone to escort him. You were the last person he called.”

 

_ Of course I am, “ _ That’s okay, thank you for calling. I’ll pick him up soon. Can I get your bar’s address?”

 

He knew he won’t take it well. Two and a half years of Baekhyun’s kind of perfect relationship has come to an end today. He should have accompanied him drinking, Baekhyun asked him to, but what can he do when it’s finals week. Baekhyun’s grade will most likely be damned this semester, but he’s not going to let them be a failure duo. One of them has to defend their pride, their graduation is expected to be in a year.

 

After emailing the essay without being proofread,  _ damn Byun Baekhyun _ , he grabs his car key and drives to the bar where Baekhyun is pathetically wasted. Duty buddy call, Park Chanyeol has a job to do.

 

Arriving at the bar, he sees a slumbering figure on a bar stool. Chanyeol pays the bill and makes a note to himself to add this to Baekhyun’s debt record in his monthly planner. He collects every end of the month and  Baekhyun never pays. But he buys him ridiculous things in exchange.

 

For instance, a set of mini drums for Chanyeol to playㅡto practice his drumming skill, Baekhyun said, which is totally useless since it was too small for Chanyeol’s gangly limbs and it was a plastic toy in the first place. There’s also this useless toy called ‘punch me in the face’ ball. The small ball has a thread so you can attach it on your head, then you punch the ball all you want until it bounces back and finally hit your face. Useless. One time he bought him a nice  _ Supreme _ hoodie, his size, but of course in the end it’s Baekhyun who wears it. Sometimes Chanyeol doesn’t understand why he’s the losing party in this relationship, and why he lets it happen.

 

But maybe it’s worth it when the said man clutches his waist, mumbling nonsense like  _ my hero Yoda  _ while burying his face into his neck, sniffling like a hurting puppy. He thanks the staff for not kicking Baekhyun out then drags him to the car, body clinging to him like a leech.

 

Once they’re inside his SUV, Chanyeol contemplates whether to bring Baekhyun to his home (and his sister’s) or to Baekhyun’s shared flat and waking up Zitao, a wushu master, in the process. He decided the latter is a dangerous choice. Besides, Yoora can make ginger tea to cure Baekhyun’s hangover later in the morning. 

 

He inspects Baekhyun’s state while fastening his seat belt. The drunk man is sleeping, head lolling to car window, eyes closed but puffy with tracks of dried tears down his rosy cheeks. He wipes it carefully. It’s unbelievable that his cheeks feels cold in his hands, alcohol can’t even warm him up. He caresses the soft skin to give him some warmth. His breath reeks of alcohol, it’s awful, but Chanyeol still smiles looking at that tiny bit of mole up the corner right of his pouty mouth. 

 

The rain has long gone. It’s the end cycle of a new moon so there’s no moon lighting the midnight sky. A few stars are twinkling curiously though. The pull from the gravity of the moon is on its lowest level, so theoretically, everything will fall easier to the ground. That’s the only thing that makes sense, when Chanyeol falls slowly, closing the gap between his trembling mouth and Baekhyun’s serene one, as if waiting for him to capture it. No clashing stars, no big bang explosion, but they fit perfectly. It feels right, kissing Byun Baekhyun for the very first time.

 

+++  
  
  


Part I - Invasion and Occupation

  
  


Chanyeol must have gone insane because it’s been four days since one particular image keeps appearing in his mind the moment he wakes up, the moment he closes eyes to sleep, and countless moments in between when his mind is idle.

 

It was a mistake. Where was his mind when it happened? How can he let himself do such a crazy thing like kissing Byun Baekhyun? What was on his mind back then? He keeps asking himself. He can’t recall. The only thing that’s left now is how mind-numbing-good it felt, and it’s ridiculous because how on fucking earth.

 

“You look like shit.”

 

The intruder of his mind interrupts his silent monologue. No offense taken because yes does he feel like shit. He should tell him, he knows he should. Because for Goo Goo Dolls’s sake, he stole a kiss from his buddy’s mouth. Doesn’t it sound horrible? Maybe letting him know casually will help him take this matter as a silly situation.

 

He takes the stature of the man who just flopped himself across the table. He’s ruffling his fluffy light brown hair, a habit he always does whenever he just arrived at campus or anywhere after using public transportation. His eyes droopy as alwaysㅡthe droopiest Chanyeol’s ever known. Fair skin flawlessly taken care of, unlike Chanyeol’s that’s easily decorated by pimples. He got a nice nose, but Chanyeol thinks he got a nicer one. And then there’s that innocent looking lips, credulous but inviting. And Chanyeol knows how it tastes on his own lips.  _ Maddening _ .

 

“I’m going to save this one,” He said flipping open his Public Management and Administration book. “Three fucking C’s. My dad’s gonna kill me.”    

 

He can’t help chuckling at that. He knows he’s going to be like this. Unlike Chanyeol who is good at managing his time, Baekhyun is the rushy type, not really good in arranging his priorities, but still responsible for his actions. Chanyeol thinks this isn’t the right time to tell him such a scandalous news. He can always ignore it anyway, save to himself as a silly little secret. He’ll get over it eventually.

 

Feeling kind of resolved, Chanyeol tears a page from his monthly planner, licks his thumb then smears it on the paper before tapping it forcefully on Baekhyun’s forehead.

 

“Your debt this month. Pay it in cash, stop buying me useless stuff. My room is cramped by your garbage.”

 

With that, he left him studying alone. He has a class to attend in a minute by the way.

 

“Fuck you Park! You spit on my forehead!” 

 

He shakes his head. He must be insane to think of kissing Baekhyun all the time.

 

+++

 

It’s Friday night, a weekly date night for Chanyeol and Sunbin, his girlfriend. Tonight will be a bit special, in an unusual way, Chanyeol reminds himself, because Baekhyun will join them. Chanyeol let him be a third wheel because finally for the very first time, Baekhyun agreed to pay his debt with something useful. Treating him and Sunbin to an indie rock festival is useful, especially for Chanyeol and Sunbin who are both rock enthusiasts. Baekhyun doesn’t particularly listen to rock music, he listens to everything quite equally, but he’s not up to spending another Friday night listening to slow jazz at a random bar while nursing his drink alone.

 

Baekhyun is about to move to the backseat when Sunbin walks to the car and Chanyeol tells him to stay still, saying it’s unpractical. Sunbin isn’t the kind of girl who’s fond of being treated like a princess, seating at the backseat will not reduce her excitement to get some rock tonight.

 

Even though they have met several times, Baekhyun’s still a bit surprised when Chanyeol proves it right. Sunbin opens the backseat door energetically, kissing Chanyeol’s cheek before screaming at Baekhyun, saying thanks for being so generous buying them tickets. She’s lovely. Baekhyun suddenly misses his ex but he pushes the feeling away, winking at his buddy’s cheerful girlfriend instead.

 

“Sunbin-ah, he’s just paying his debt. No need to thank him.” Chanyeol earns a whack on his head at which Sunbin laughs. Tonight’s gonna be fun, three of them says at the same time in their minds.

 

As expected, the festival is crowded. Rock music festivals are rarely held in their town. Rock music fans from the neighboring towns are most likely gathering here tonight too. Chanyeol makes sure to hold Sunbin’s hands tightly, he keeps looking back though, making sure Baekhyun is trailing behind him. Baekhyun is just an inch taller than Sunbin, but Chanyeol thinks he’s so small. He looks like a small puppy in the middle of the crowd. Thankfully, they find a spot not too far from the stage, perfect to scream, jump, and dance like crazy for two hours ahead.

 

After a while, the rock band star sings their hit, Sunbin’s favorite. She sings at the top of her lungs, tirelessly jumps, and screams challenging the crowd. Chanyeol thinks he has the most amazing girlfriend. 

 

“You got a wild girl!” Baekhyun screams in his ears.

 

He smiles widely and screams y _ eah! _ at him. Seeing Baekhyun shivering, he shrugs off his jacket then drapes it over Baekhyun’s shoulders, “What is wrong with your body heat system!? It’s hot like hell here!” 

 

Baekhyun's cheeks bloom, “Shut up!” Still he wears Chanyeol’s jacket until the festival is over. 

 

When the fireworks exploded in the sky, Sunbin jumps into Chanyeol’s arms. He hoists her up from the ground easily, giggling and kissing. Chanyeol tries not to think of how his jacket is keeping Baekhyun warm right now.

 

+++

 

Baekhyun isn’t the type of guy who fools around, so it’s kind of surprising when one fine day Chanyeol visits him at his flat, he finds a naked girl lying on his bed and Baekhyun is nowhere to be found. However, he can hear someone showering in the bathroom. Zitao should’ve told him instead of just scowling at him with his bed face when he opened their door. Chanyeol mutters an awkward apology to the girl before exiting Baekhyun’s room. 

 

He decided to wait in the living room for Baekhyun to finish his business while scrolling through his instagram feed, looking at pictures of baby animals in an attempt to suppress some ugly feeling that’s suddenly growing within his chest. The girl exits Baekhyun’s room, passing Chanyeol confidently and sending a seductive smile at him before leaving the flat.

 

“Are you a patient waiting for the doctor to call you in?” Baekhyun smirks at him.

 

_ What a cocky fucker _ , Chanyeol thinks. He draws a deep breath before exhaling the air loudly.  _ Come to your senses, Park Chanyeol. _ Inside Baekhyun’s room, he doesn’t know where to sit.  His mind is in a mess from picturing that girl, an ex-girlfriend, and other faceless women on the bed with Baekhyun. He gradually feels sick with each passing thought.

 

“You okay, bud?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Just- Nothing.”

 

“Are you that shocked?” Baekhyun’s face and the small laughter he makes is kind of annoying.

 

“What- No,  _ shit _ . Whatever floats your boat, man. Don’t care.” He brushes his hair back, not knowing where to hide his nervous hands.

 

Baekhyun nods, face still amused. Chanyeol leans on the wall while watching Baekhyun rummaging through his wardrobe, trying to find something to wear. After feeling a bit relaxed, Chanyeol can’t help but ask him the question.

 

“Okay. So what was that?”

 

“So that was a girl, Chanyeol. You sure have one yourself.” Baekhyun answers carelessly, still showing his back to Chanyeol.

 

“You know what I’m asking, Baek.”

 

“Why? Worrying your buddy now?”

 

“Stop being an ass and just answer the damn question. What’s this all about?”

 

“Found it.” He turns around, grinning his rectangular smile while waving a boxer in the air like a flag. A picture of Nick hugging Judy from Zootopia is printed on it.  _ Oh dear _ . “Stop acting like my mother. This is just a part of moving on. Now wear this boxer and be my model.”

 

“You’re sick.” Chanyeol closes his eyes tiredly.

 

“And you’re furry.” Baekhyun singsongs, “Come on, Park. I know you like this boxer.”

 

Baekhyun isn’t ready for Chanyeol’s attack on his neck. It’s an attack of tickles that has Baekhyun screaming all kinds of profanities at him, but Chanyeol won’t give him mercy. Not until they fall on the bed and it’s Chanyeol’s turn to scream.

 

“You’re fucking gross! You haven’t changed this soiled sheet have you?!”

 

Baekhyun laughs maniacally and takes that chance to straddle him with his hips. He sits on Chanyeol’s lap, and excitedly unzips Chanyeol’s jeans. 

 

“What the fuck are you doing?! Byuntae!” He tries to wriggle himself out of Baekhyun’s caging thighs but said thighs aren't famous of its suppleness and muscle for nothing, they’re strong. 

 

“Somebody! Heeelp!”

 

Baekhyun’s laughter sounds like the laughter of the happiest person on earth and how Chanyeol wants to keep hearing him laugh like this. He doesn’t know when he started laughing too but Baekhyun succeeds removing his jeans. Their laughter turns into giggles when Baekhyun starts getting Chanyeol’s super long legs into the boxer hole one by one.

 

Zitao passes Baekhyun’s room, muttering  _ gross _ before shutting his own room’s door loudly. Baekhyun is too busy sitting on Chanyeol’s tummy to care, taking pics of the Zootopia boxer on Chanyeol from different angles. He exclaims some bullshit like  _ this is cool, I’m gonna send this to Sunbin,  _ and  _ ohhh Yoora will love this. _ Meanwhile Chanyeol draws his hands and folds them under his head, admiring Baekhyun’s back. He tries to commit this image and feeling to his memory, of how nice it feels to have Baekhyun only for himself.

 

+++

 

A new semester starts and the plan to ignore images of Baekhyun every time he appears on his mind has been going fairly well so far. That is if pretending it doesn’t disturb himㅡconvincing himself that he’s still under ‘a mistake kiss’ after effectㅡis okay.

 

It’s not funny at all though when images start creeping between Sunbin’s kisses and soft moans. He has to stop her when she gives him head because every time he closes his eyes responding to the pleasure, it’s not her that is pleasing him in his head. Then he realizes how fucked up he is when Sunbin, lips swollen and face flushed, asks him  _ why _ and the only word that he can utter is  _ sorry. _

 

Baekhyun seems to enjoying his part of ‘moving on phase a bit too much and it only irks Chanyeol more because how unfair that is. Baekhyun told him that he never brought girls to his flat again after that one girl, saying it’s not his style. But then he asks him if Sunbin has a no strip club rule for him, “Those things they do on your lap,  _ oh _ I wish I could bring you there.”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know that Chanyeol and Sunbin once went to a strip club for fun. He knows those things, he also knows that sometimes the strippers offer extra service, more than just the things on display. He doesn’t want to know if Baekhyun accepted that offer once or twice.

 

Sunbin’s birthday is coming and he runs out of gift ideas. They share same hobbies, style, and almost everything so it’s kind of boring if he gives her those rocker stuff. It’ll be the first time she celebrates her birthday with him and he wants it to be special, different.

 

Fortunately or unfortunately for him, Baekhyun has an idea. He doubts it’ll be a good idea but he’s at his wit’s end. So here they are walking through the pavement of shopping district at their little town on a sunny Sunday. His doubt comes true when Baekhyun stops in front of a Victoria’s Secret outlet.

 

“I’m not going in.”

 

“You’re definitely going in. I don’t know your girlfriend’s size.” He pushes Chanyeol inside unceremoniously and smiles back shamelessly at the shopkeeper who greets them with a  _ Welcome to Victoria’s Secret  _ and an amused face.

 

Chanyeol shuts his eyes, “This is so embarrassing.” Baekhyun promises it’s gonna be fun though.

 

They walked through the store for around fifteen minutes, followed by women’s giggles and curious stares, with nothing in hands because all undergarments that Baekhyun picked are a bit too wild for Chanyeol’s liking and really, he’s not even sure if Sunbin will appreciate this at all. She’s not a girl who wears this kind of stuff. But when Chanyeol tries to reason it to Baekhyun, he states that that’s exactly why this is a good idea.

“How is this a good idea?”

 

“Sunbin is girl. Girls love pretty things. This lingerie is pretty. As simple as that.”

 

“You don’t understand. How many times do I have to tell you that Sunbin is unlike most girls?”

 

“Yet she’s still a girl. Now pick, this one or this one?” He presents him a cream crossover lace trim sheer lingerie set on his right hand and a simple yet provoking black fishnet bodysuit on his left hand.

 

“Baekhyun please.” He rarely whines but he really can’t stand this ridiculousness anymore.

 

“Listen. You might think I’m a pervert right now, but you’re gonna thank me soon. Trust me, I do this for the sake of both of you. Sometimes people don’t voice out their wildest imagination, you know that. If Sunbin is sexually attracted to you, then this will help.”

 

Chanyeol sighs. He seriously thinks this is the worst idea.

 

“And don’t act vanilla in front of me. I know you still keep that porn DVD I gave you on your eighteenth birthday.”

 

“Fuck you.” He harshly pulls the black fishnet bodysuit from Baekhyun’s hand then walks away from him.

 

“See? I knew he has some kink.”

 

Chanyeol’s face is burning when he pays for the bloody lingerie. He groans inside when he sees the cashier girl’s cheeks redden while trying to professionally examine the garment. The whole scene gets more embarrassing when Baekhyun suddenly drops another garment which looks a thousand times more erotic than what he has.

 

“The fuck are you doing?” Chanyeol asks between grits of teeth.

 

“Well, I won’t let you have the fun alone.” He shoves his card and smiles sweetly to the cashier girl whose face is now as red as a tomato.

 

Nearing Sunbin’s birthday, Chanyeol thinks his mind is finally getting under control because honestly, he’s been feeling excited about Baekhyun’s wild suggestion. He still thinks it’s a bit too crazy but he pictures Sunbin in the garment that is now lying on his bedㅡhe’s going to wrap it, and his imagination tells him that she’ll look absolutely breathtaking in it.

 

Perhaps it’s the excitement that he starts feeling that just imagination won’t be enough. He needs to look at it with his own eyes. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him but he starts undressing himself while looking at the bodysuit. 

 

He looks at the full body mirror on his wardrobe and he almost can feel the earth rotating. He doesn’t know what to think and without cue his mind plays images of Baekhyun wrapping his arms around a girl in the bodysuit from behind, kissing her neck, her bare shoulders, whispering  _ beautiful. _

 

The girl looks at the mirror and sees Chanyeol. They look at each other through the mirror for a moment before she disappears like a smoke. He looks at the mirror closely and God, it’s him in Baekhyun’s embrace. He immediately shuts his eyes. When he opens his eyes again, he looks at the mirror and sees himself wearing the bodysuit, shaking.  _ Who are you _ ?

 

After removing the bodysuitㅡhe ruined it for sure, it doesn’t even fit in himㅡhe leaves his room with wide red eyes. He needs to breathe. Driving in a state like this is probably not a wise thing to do but he really needs to go to the only place that can give him peace of mind.

 

About thirty minutes from his place, there’s a pier he often visits whenever something troubles him seriously, whenever he needs to make a big decision in life. There’s something quite comforting about standing before a wide blue ocean, with harsh wind hitting him like waves.

 

He went there when he decided to stop being angry at his dad for marrying another woman after her mother’s death. He went there when Yoora slapped him in the face for the very first time in his whole life, when he was troubled about his future, when he was afraid of losing his friendship with Sunbin if he asked him to be his girlfriend. Now he’s here to make a decision he’d never imagined before; to stop denying whatever he’s feeling for Byun Baekhyun.

 

+++

 

This is probably the worst timing. Sunbin’s birthday is in two days but he needs to tell her. Before doubts turn into lies, lies into betrayal, betrayal into hatred, hatred into nothing. He wants to save anything he can save between them. He doesn’t want them to end up into nothing.

 

Sunbin looks cheerful as always. Her yellow work uniform makes her look even more cheerful. There are so many things to admire about her. Her independent life is one of the many, and the strongest charm he admire the most. She let her parents support her tuition in university, but she insists to cover her living expenses by herself. Chanyeol should be ashamed really. He’s practically a parasite under Yoora’s roof, he’s financially secured under his dad. He doesn’t want to say some bullshit like Sunbin deserves someone better, but considering this aspect, she deserves someone better indeed.

 

“I’m not gonna be sorry for making you wait so long. You came without prior notice.” She drops two cans of coke on the coffee table where Chanyeol has been sitting for the past two hours.

 

She pops open her can and takes several gulps loudly before burping and groaning, satisfied with the fresh sensation passing through her throat.

 

Chanyeol shakes his head in amusement looking at the sight, “Do you do that in front of all people?”

 

She grins sheepishly, “Only in front of you.”

 

It’s gonna be hard but he can’t go back now, “Let’s take a walk.”

 

They rarely hold hands when they walk together, Chanyeol realizes now when he looks at Sunbin’s hands folded loosely in her lower back. Have her hands always stayed like that whenever they walked side by side all this time? Why does it hurt Chanyeol so much to look at it? He stops with his steps and takes her hands in his.

 

She has warm hands like his. But unlike his rough hands, her skin is smooth, her fingers are slim, nail trimmed unpolished, of course. She never bothered to take more effort to look prettier like most girls because she knows Chanyeol thinks she’s beautiful the way she is. But it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be appreciated. 

 

“Chanyeol...” He doesn’t know when his tears started falling on their hands. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

He drops his forehead on her shoulder and cries all he wants. Crying for what, he’s not really sure. He just suddenly feels so tired and afraid. Sunbin envelops him in her embrace, soothing him with  _ it’s okays  _ and  _ I’m here _ as if she understands.

 

He’s going to hurt her but she’s the one who’s comforting him. Why didn’t he realize soon that he should have loved her like she deserves. If he can’t be his lover, he’s been always good in loving her as her friend.

 

He wipes away his tears abruptly then holds her shoulders strongly, “Listen. I don’t know how to make this less painful and you have to trust me that I didn’t mean for this to happen.” 

 

He really needs Sunbin to understand what’s going on, and he’s not going to hide anything from her. Not anymore. 

 

“Chanyeol-” There’s a flash of hurt in her eyes but he has to ignore it for now, “Okay, tell me.” She says firmly.

 

But the frown on Chanyeol’s face is too bare, it tells her everything and her eyes starts swelling with tears , “I’ll be okay, just, tell me.” A single tear rolls down her cheek.

 

He releases his grip on both of her shoulders. She’s selfless and has always tried hard to act so strong. And it just makes this a thousand times harder for him because how can he do this to her. 

 

“I think I’m lost. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know how to fix this. I keep seeing images I shouldn’t see. I keep feeling things I shouldn’t feel. I thought my heart is with you. I thought everything’s alright, I-”

 

She stops his hands from pulling his own hair frustratingly, “But it’s not.” She smiles bitterly.

 

“But it’s not.” He repeats forlornly.

 

There’s a crack in her voice when she asks, “Is it Baekhyun?”

 

_ How? “ _ Lee Sunbin. You know I’m not- I’ve always been attracted to girls, to you. It doesn’t make sense.” He starts panicking because how can Sunbin know? He’s not even sure with what he feels. 

 

“Nothing makes sense, Chanyeol. Not since you asked me to date you when I always knew your heart belongs to someone else. ”

 

Chanyeol feels like he was struck by lightning. “What did you say?”

 

They’re still standing in the pathway. Luckily, no one is visiting the park besides them.

 

Sunbin raises one of her hands to smooth Chanyeol’s hair, “You’re such a fool.” Sighing, she looks at him in the eyes, “But maybe I was an egoist too. I thought you can change your feeling. I thought I can make you change your feeling. I’m sorry.” 

 

Chanyeol is speechless. Even Sunbin could see from the beginning. And perhaps he knew too. It’s just that he buried it deep down within him, clueless that it’ll come back to the surface without warning. He feels more awful now that everything is falling into place. The picture seems ugly.

 

“What does this make me? I never wanted this.” A nasty feeling starts crawling up from his toe, he wants to wriggle himself out of it.

 

“Hey, that doesn’t make you anyone else. You are you. Go for what your heart yearns.” She smiles that sad smile he never wants to ever see again, “Go for him.”

 

He takes her into his arms, keeping his apology and gratitude to himself. Instead he asks her in whisper, “Does it hurt?”

 

Sunbin tightens their hugs before answering, “A bit,” He knows she’s lying. He kisses her head to tell her that she can hate him for the crack that he made and that he’s going to be responsible for it, there must be a way. 

 

“Chanyeol?” She calls.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Thank you for trying.”

  
  


+++

 

Part II - Battle and Resistance

  
  


Following his breakup with Sunbin, days went rather calmly for Chanyeol. Since midterm is coming, he tries to focus on his studies more. He also starts thinking about what he’s going to do after graduating, internship is on the top of several choices he listed down.

 

He still talks to Sunbin of course. He feels like nothing changes between them, but he knows it’s just his wishful thinking. He left a scar in her and it’ll burden him until time says it’s enough. He told Sunbin about his original birthday gift--including the reason why it’s ruined and asked if she wanted him to buy another one or a different gift. She laughed so hard and just asked for two tickets to an amusement park. The other ticket wasn’t for him though.

 

Meanwhile, he still can’t figure out what to do about his confusing feelings for Baekhyun. He just no longer resists it. It’s been a while since the last time they saw each other. Baekhyun seems busy with his own life, not that he wants to see him soon either. He’s not ready yet. 

 

Yoora is surprised to see him lying on their living room’s sofa in his sweatpants, BBC earth channel on the TV screen, “Chanyeol?”

 

He whips his head looking for her sister’s figure, “Hey, you’re home.”

 

“No Fridate?” She walks to the fridge to get some cold water.

 

_ Should I tell her now?  _ He hesitates, “Uh, yeah.” Getting no further response, he curiously takes a look at where she stands behind the kitchen table. Even from afar, he can see how high she arches her eyebrows, asking for explanation. “I mean, we broke up.”

 

“Do I want to know why?”

 

There are several types of sibling relationship. Chanyeol and Yoora’s is the emotional close type. They were close to their mother that way, not naturally, it’s their mother’s effort to get them used to answering detailed questions. They grew up telling stories and little secrets to their mother. Since their mother left, both of them replaced her role for each other. There’s no one Chanyeol trusts more than Yoora and vice versa.

 

That day when Yoora slapped his cheek so hard for the first time was a result of her anger, her fear. Chanyeol was too young to understand that he was not and will never be a burden to herㅡthinking that running away was a cool and right thing to do. It was a bit funny actually, remembering he ended up taking shelter in Baekhyun’s house because they had Math exam the next day. It was Baekhyun too who told Yoora where he was despite his promise not to tell her. That traitor.

 

After telling Yoora everything, he felt that more of his burden was lifted. It sounded stupid when he mentioned Baekhyun’s name in such a serious conversation, but Yoora’s smileㅡwarm with just a glint of mischief, seems convincing enough that maybe it’s not that stupid. Instead of offering advice, she asked him to get ready, saying that she has to use his free Friday night to help her do grocery shopping.

 

“Nooo, don’t wanna go anywhere.”

 

“Okay, I’ll call Baekhyun to accompany me then.”

 

“Park Yoora!”He throws a fluffy cushion at her, regretting his confession already.

 

The odd part of living in this small town is you can bump into your neighbors almost everywhere. Especially after working hours, Friday night for example. They came across Yoora’s colleague and her husband in the supermarket, between boxes of green veggies and oranges. Her colleague almost got the wrong idea about them but then she looked at how similar they look liked and laughed saying sorry.

 

Not long after the encounter, Chanyeol saw his lecturer at the crossroad while they are walking along the pavement to find a nice place to eat. It’s very common to see familiar faces around this area, but he starts feeling uneasy for no reason. A flash of Baekhyun’s image suddenly passes across his mind.  _ Silly. _

 

He tries to focus on Yoora’s voice telling him that she has found a perfect place. When she’s pointing at the small resto, Chanyeol stops in his step because there he sees Baekhyun in flesh, emerging out of the resto door with a girl. Then their eyes meet.

 

“Chanyeol?”

 

“Hey, Baek.” He answers immediately, almost like how fast balls bounce back from the ground. Hammering heart hidden perfectly. 

 

Unexpectedly, Baekhyun barks a short laugh, “Noona, I almost thought Chanyeol is cheating on his girlfriend.”

 

“Uh.. Do you have a girlfriend, Chanyeol?” His sister does know well how to rile him up. Now he can see Baekhyun senses something is amiss.

 

“Did I miss something here?”  _ Well, shit. _

 

“Not really. Anyway, we’re hungry and you shouldn’t let a beautiful girl stand too long in a cold night.” He offers the mentioned beautiful girl a smile, half concerned with how thin her cloth is, half curious to who she is.

 

Baekhyun smirks, and then takes a glance at her before nodding, “Yeah, we should go.”

 

“You’re not introducing the beautiful girl to us?” The girl’s cheeks are blooming like a red rose and Chanyeol honestly hopes that Baekhyun will dismiss Yoora’s question. He doesn’t need to know Baekhyun’s summer fling’s name.

 

“Well, Wheein, this is Chanyeol, my friend and his sister, Yoora.”

 

Unless, she might be more than just a summer fling. Baekhyun shrugs his shoulder, while the girl named Wheein bows a little. Her smile is pretty.

 

“Nice to meet you, Wheein.” Yoora returns her smile.

 

“Alright, we’re not gonna make you two starve. Their salad is recommended by the way.” 

 

Baekhyun left with glee on his face. It’s been a while since the last time Chanyeol saw Baekhyun that excited. He can’t help but notice how Baekhyun holds the girl’s hand when they cross the road. 

 

Yoora offers him a squeeze on his shoulder, before beckoning them into the resto.  _ Who says it’s gonna be easy _ , he admits. They order salad that Baekhyun recommended, and then a message arrives in Chanyeol’s phone inbox.

 

_ From: Baekhyun _

_ Talk after your afternoon class on Monday. _

 

+++

 

True to his text, Baekhyun is waiting for him when he exits his faculty building two days later. Black snapback hiding his face from the unforgiving summer sun.

 

“You can wait inside you know.”

 

“Sunbathing is good for man’s health you know.”

 

“Not in goddamn 2 pm, sweaty.”

 

A bolt from the blue, Baekhyun grabs Chanyeol’s hand then puts it between his armpit.

 

“You’re fucking gross!”

 

He quickly retracts his now humid hand. How on earth he lost his sleep over the weekend thinking about this man, he will never understand.

 

They end up sitting across each other at their campus cafe, knees almost bumping under the small round table that separates them.

 

Baekhyun is sipping his iced coffee when Chanyeol asks, “Have you thought about what you’ll do after graduation?”

 

“Hmm yeah, I guess.” He stirs around the black liquid, trying to stir away a bit of hesitancy that he has, “You know my uncle has prepared me a chair in my family’s business. It seems the safest start for me, I mean, in this economy.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I can’t think of a better choice as well, if I were you.”

 

Baekhyun’s family has been running this quite stable wood industry business in the country. His great grandfather owns hectares of land planted with various valuable trees. Chanyeol visited the man made forest once when they were in high school. It was magnificent. Since then, Chanyeol knew how his friend’s future, more or less, will be.

 

“What about you?”

 

Despite their same major in Economics, unlike Baekhyun, Chanyeol has no plan set for him. His father works overseas for an oil company. Every time his father bought him cool gifts for his birthday, he was once or twice inspired to study oil mining in the future. But when he saw how his mother suffered more from her longing for his father rather than from her brain tumor, he decided he doesn’t want to end up being rich with money if he had to sacrifice his loved ones.

 

“I thought about internship. More experience to accelerate my career makes perfect sense to me.”

 

“Tell me if you need some help. I mean, my family’s network is quite promising.”

 

Chanyeol smiles, “I’ll be fine, but thanks yeah.”

 

“Can we stop talking about this heavy stuff? I feel weird.”

 

Chanyeol’s smile grows into a laughter.

 

“Quit laughing. What kind of stupidity did you do to end your relationship with such a bright girl?”

 

That effectively cut Chanyeol’s laughter. Now, Chanyeol’s the one stirring his own iced coffee.  _ Yes, what kind of stupidity _ , he silently asks himself too.

 

“It’s just not working.”

 

Baekhyun snorts, “What is not working? Obviously you love each other. I never saw a couple with as many similarities like you two.” It’s funny how Baekhyun seems so disappointed right now, “Even Taeyeon never seem that comfortable around me like how Sunbin did around you.”

 

“You don’t understand.”

 

“Well, make me?”

 

“Listen. I broke up with her on good terms, with mutual decision. And I’m glad that I remain friends with her, just like how we used to. I’m happy. If that’s what you’re worried about.” 

 

Baekhyun doesn’t seem really convinced but why must he convince him in the first place? He didn’t even pry about his decision to break up with Taeyeon. Even when he knew Baekhyun didn’t want to end it. But he knows how hard long distance relationships work, he understood taking account his parent’s history, that’s why he didn’t pry. But in his case, how can he make Baekhyun understand if he’s still looking for the answer, how can he make Baekhyun understand if the riddle itself involves Baekhyun.

 

“I still don’t understand but cool, if that’s what you both want.”

 

“It is.” Chanyeol replies positively. 

 

He sees Baekhyun sliding back to the wooden chair and chuckles.

 

“What’s funny?”

 

“I said I don’t wanna talk about the heavy stuff but I led our conversation to a heavier topic.”

 

“You think my relationship is a heavier topic than our future?”

 

“When the heart is involved, it’s heavy stuff. I know you genuinely loved her.” Baekhyun sighs.

 

“Let’s talk about something light then? I have no prompt though.”

 

“I do,” He grins his teasing grin, “The girl you saw with me last Friday night, Wheein, she’s interesting.”

 

Chanyeol doesn’t know what to feel, whether to be glad that Baekhyun considers this as a light topic--meaning no heart involved, or to be worried that this light topic one day can grow to be a heavy topic. But still he asks, “How interesting?”

 

“You’ll see.”

 

Chanyeol doesn’t like Baekhyun’s smile and the sound of him slurping the remaining of his iced coffee.

 

+++

 

Interesting in Baekhyun’s dictionary turns out to be emotion check and balance at Chanyeol’s end. The second time Chanyeol saw Wheein was ten days later at her Korean literature seminar project. It turned out that Baekhyun ‘found’ her at their public university library when he had to look for some book for his assignment.

 

One day, she needed a crowd for her seminar project and of course Baekhyun dragged him into the crowd. Baekhyun went as far as asking a question to the speaker and he couldn’t help rolling his eyes at him because really, never even once in a decade of their friendship did Baekhyun showed interest in literature or books in general.

 

Wheein treated them to a Korean traditional resto as a form of gratitude. Chanyeol thought Baekhyun wanted it to be their special time so he took initiative to turn down the invitation but Wheein insisted and Baekhyun seemed to want him to join as well.

 

It was almost an unconscious gesture, like a habit, when Baekhyun shoved his plate to him until Wheein asked what they were doing.

 

“He hates cucumber so I had to do this every time he eats anything containing this little trouble. Such a picky and shitty friend, isn’t he?” He explained while transferring each cucumber cube from Baekhyun’s plate to his plate.

 

“You’re both so cute.” Wheein giggled.

 

Chanyeol wanted to say they looked cute too when Baekhyun asked him to take a picture of them. But the way Baekhyun placed his hand protectively around Wheein’s hips evaporated the thought right away. Chanyeol’s mood got more sour when Baekhyun offered to walk Wheein home and she easily, almost expectantly, accepted. He drove back home alone feeling stupid, because how old is he to get easily affected by such insignificant small things?

 

When he thought those days will not repeat soon, this afternoon he received a call from an unknown number asking if Baekhyun was with him. It was Wheein. She sounded upset, telling him that she has been waiting for Baekhyun at a bookstore they were supposed to meet an hour ago but his phone was unreachable.

 

This kind of emergency call often happens. Back then he was Taeyeon’s speed dial when Baekhyun was suddenly out of reach. He should have charged Baekhyun this service, really, of how conveniently he shared his number like 911 to his girlfriends. But still, instead of a simple _I don’t know,_ he tried to save Baekhyun’s ass by making up an excuse that he must have forgotten to charge his phone because they had been playing a game online all night long until morning that he’s probably still sleeping, which was true. 

 

Now, Chanyeol is really in a bad mood because while Baekhyun is busy asking for Wheein’s forgiveness, Sunbin is becoming more distanced from him. He knows he doesn’t have right to be upset about it, but he is, upset. And lonely. 

 

There’s a knock on his bedroom door.

 

“Come in.”

 

“Wanna help me bake?” Yoora peeks in her head into the room, hands already white with flour.

 

They are making chocolate cupcakes for Yoora’s friend who just got discharged from the hospital. While Yoora mixes the flour with sugar and salt, Chanyeol is given the task to heat butter and cocoa.

 

There is a bowl of strawberries, Baekhyun’s favorite, which Chanyeol assumes would be the topping. Chanyeol thinks Baekhyun will be happy if he gets cupcakes with strawberry on top too. 

 

“Chanyeol, hey! It’s already boiling, it’s enough!” If Yoora has been shouting at him before, he didn’t hear.

 

“Oops!” He flicks off the fire in one quick motion.

 

“Stop thinking about him for a minute, will you?” Yoora takes the cocoa butter and pour it into the flour mixture. 

 

“I’m trying.”

 

“Oh dear, that bad?” She gives extra press on ‘that’.

 

“I don’t know! It’s not like I want it to happen okay?”

 

“Jeez, you sound like me when I’m on my period.”

 

“Noona...” He can’t believe he’s whining while stomping his feet on the ground like a child right now. 

 

“Oh my God. Bring me the muffin cups!” Yoora glares at him, a warning to behave in her kitchen. She shakes her head in amusement though when Chanyeol does as she says.

 

Twenty minutes later, they are busy spooning warm icing over warm cupcakes, and strawberry on top as Chanyeol expected. 

 

“You can wrap that five separately for Baekhyun.” Yoora says, hips bumping to Chanyeol’s teasingly.

 

“It’s stupid.”

 

“It’s not stupid, baby brother.”

 

“Stop teasing me.”

 

“Chanyeol, if you want his attention, then earn it. You know the rules of this game.”

 

“I thought I can get over this. I still can’t believe I’m-” He sighs, leaving the sentence hanging and supporting his slumping body on the kitchen aisle. 

 

“Hey, just talk to him okay. This is clearly bothering you. Don’t just do nothing about it. You two have been friends for the longest time I remember. If you can’t help yourself, ask for his help.”

 

“Noona, I want him more than what we have. How is he gonna help me?”

 

“By telling you to stop? By telling you to go ahead? You need him to help you decide, because obviously your own decision isn’t enough here.”

 

Backed up by Yoora’s encouragement, a box of five cupcakes is now sitting nicely on the passenger seat. He feels like slamming his face on the steering wheel but he can’t even do that because he wants to look good--he freaking spent ten minutes styling his hair--for Baekhyun and how ridiculous all of this is. He keeps groaning until his phone vibrates in his pocket. His heartbeat accelerates when he reads the caller’s name.

 

“Hey, I’m-”

 

“Chanyeol, fuck, I need your help.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, no- I mean I’m okay but my car is not.”

 

“Your car?”

 

“My cousin’s car. Listen-”

 

“Where are you?” Panic starts creeping in his veins, Baekhyun rarely drives because he hates driving, he doesn’t even have car.

 

“In the woods.”

 

“What?!”

 

“I thought of doing something nice for Wheein, you know for that day, so I drove us to the wood site because you know the view is good and all. I was heading home since we have our bowling schedule tonight but of course I hit the trees and the car broke down, fuck. I see nobody, I called tow truck service but I can see Wheein starting to panic because it’s getting dark and now I’m panicking too, I need you.”

 

“God, Baekhyun. I’m driving there, now. Try to calm her, I’ll try to get there as fast as I can.”

 

“Thanks man, shit, now I can breathe.”

 

“You really are a trouble maker, aren’t you?”

 

Baekhyun chuckles weakly, “Drive safely.”

 

“I’m not you.”

 

With a heavy traffic of people driving back from work, Chanyeol nearly loses his temper, stomping at the gas pedal and brake, switching lanes and overtaking every car ahead. Baekhyun's  _ I need you _ keeps ringing in his head and he desperately tries to focus on the road instead. 

 

As fast as Chanyeol can turns out almost forty minutes but that’s actually pretty quick considering the wood site is normally an hour drive to reach from the city center, and it’s rush hour. The digital clock on the dashboard shows 6:14 pm when his car reaches the wood site entrance.

 

He goes straight, high trees covering the sky, making a dark dome above. He drives slowly following the road, a wide darkness engulfing his car lights. About three minutes later he catches a red jeep trapped between two pines. A figure leans on the driver’s door. It’s Baekhyun.

 

He parks his car a few meters from the incident spot, relief flooding him as he kills the car engine. Baekhyun walks to his car and he meets him halfway.

 

“You alright?”

 

“Yeah, don’t know when the tow truck will arrive though. Googled the nearest service and it was unavailable. I had to call one in town.”

 

“It’s okay. We can wait.” Chanyeol doesn’t know if it’s the lack of light, but Baekhyun looks pale and he can’t help uttering his concern for the second time,  “You sure you’re okay?”

 

“I’m fine, just a bit distressed, I guess.”

 

Chanyeol nods, “Wheein?”

 

Baekhyun cocks his head to where the jeep is stuck, “She’s sleeping, must be tired. I shouldn’t have suggested this idea.”

 

“Come on, it’s not that bad.” Chanyeol steps forward, pressing his fingers a few times on the back of Baekhyun’s neck. A gesture he always gives whenever Baekhyun feels upset. “Get her inside my car. There’s a comforter at the back. I’m gonna check the jeep.”

 

After tucking Wheein in the back of Chanyeol’s car, Baekhyun walks back to his jeep, his cousin’s trapped jeep. He’s exhausted, the thought of causing a worse danger to Wheein and himself still bombards him, absorbing his rational thinking ability. Not until he heard Chanyeol’s voice did he felt sober, safe. His voice worked like an invisible guarantee that everything’s fine and he’s fine. He looks at Chanyeol’s figure squatting on the ground, trying to look below the jeep using the help from his phone flash light. Baekhyun squats down beside him.

 

“I think the engine is fine. Most likely the spark plugs are already in bad condition before it got completely damaged, it won’t start at all.” He flicks off the flash light. Startled by the sudden complete darkness, both of them screams.

 

“You shithead!”

 

He punches Chanyeol’s shoulder before grasping it. The flash light turns on again and Chanyeol’s laughing face is too close, he should have been scared. With that twitchy eyes and scrunching nose and white large teeth, but it doesn’t make him move away for some personal space.

 

“You’re scared.” He continues laughing.

 

“You screamed too!”

 

Chanyeol shifts then lands his bum on the ground, pulling Baekhyun in the process. They lean on the jeep’s large wheel. Chanyeol’s shoulders are still shaking from laughter, the movement sparks a comfortable warmth seeping through the fabric of Baekhyun’s jacket. Baekhyun just realized how cold he’s been, he moves closer to get more of the warmth.

 

“Wheein looked quite languid, is she okay?”

 

“She said she’s just tired. No physical pain. I suggested her to continue sleeping while we’re waiting for the truck.”

 

Chanyeol nods, “So how did it happen?”

 

“I don’t know, I mean the road is a bit bumpy and narrow it made me nervous. It just happened, I guess.”

 

“Well, from the bumper’s state I can tell the crash wasn’t that hard. You managed to hit the brake in time. That’s good.”

 

Baekhyun snorts, it’s not Chanyeol if he can’t point out a silver lining in every unfortunate situation. He remembers that time when Chanyeol didn’t get into his dream university, after studying his ass off days and nights that Baekhyun barely saw him for almost a whole month. He told him that at least they’ll end up going to the same university. It was when he realized that their friendship is going to be something crucial in his life. Growing up together was precious, but reaching dreams together will define how huge of an influence they have for each other for the rest of their life.

 

He feels something rumble inside his stomach, “Great. And now I’m hungry.” He rubs his stomach to calm whatever angry creature is within.

 

Unexpectedly, Chanyeol gets up, “Wait here,” he said before making a bee line to his car.

 

When he walks back, Baekhyun sees him bringing a cardboard box, “What’s that?”

 

“Your dinner.” He said while placing the box on his lap.

 

_ Oh.  _ The thing inside his stomach flips, must be happy. His mouth waters thinking about what’s inside the box, “Cupcakes?”

 

“Yoora and- Yoora made dozens for her friend. I stole some.” It’s dark but Baekhyun knows there’s a faint blush spreading across Chanyeol’s cheeks. He’s cute when he’s shy. 

 

“Her friend must like strawberry very much,” he takes a careful look at the cupcakes, “She put two on each.” Baekhyun hides his smile behind a bite.

 

Two cupcakes later, the tow truck arrives. Wheein seems too tired to even eat, she refused the cupcakes when Baekhyun offered one to her. When they reach Wheein’s house, she thanks Chanyeol and asks Baekhyun not to feel bad because she did have a great time. She promised she will still accept any trip invitation Baekhyun proposes in the future. It makes Baekhyun relieved at least. 

 

“What a day.” He releases a long sigh when Chanyeol stops in front of his flat.

 

“Yeah, what a day.” Chanyeol chuckles. He rests his back comfortably.

 

“You think this is funny, don’t you?”

 

“Stop pretending like you don’t find this funny too, champion. Jeez, what are you? Dora the explorer? I can’t believe I freaking came to your rescue in the middle of the jungle.”

 

“Shut up.” He really hates how Chanyeol is actually the one who easily makes him blush from embarrassment, “Sorry we missed our bowling schedule.”

 

“It’s okay. Go have some rest.”

 

“Alright. And-”

 

“Say no more. Save your grateful ass for something tangible later.”

 

“You materialistic bastard.” He throws the empty cardboard box at Chanyeol’s face. Yes, he ate all the five cupcakes because he’s that starved and how can he not appreciate the strawberries.

 

He’s about to take the stairs when he hears Chanyeol shouting his name again. He turns his back to look at him.

 

“Don’t do that again.” He says.

 

“Do what?”

 

Baekhyun must be really tired because he feels the air shift in a strange way when he looks at Chanyeol straight in the eyes. They speak a language Baekhyun’s brain can’t translate, but it goes straight to somewhere within him. He can feel it.

 

“Don’t drive into the woods.”

 

+++

 

With enough determination, midterm passed rather satisfyingly to Baekhyun’s liking. After the incident, he made a visit to his uncle, the current chief executive of his family’s business. Not only to share the story of how he has beaten up his son’s jeep, but also to formally notify him that he’ll start taking the officer position that they have prepared for him immediately after he graduates. His uncle was happy to receive the news. He was impressed by Baekhyun’s spirit, as expected from the youth, yet he suggested him to take at least a month break after graduation before taking the position. He will need it.

 

His flat is now becoming more and more quiet that Zitao is spending the midterm break at his home country. He’s a silent friend to begin with, but his presence always gives him a sense of warmth. He easily gets cold, but he hates the cold of being alone the most. It was surprising, even to himself, when he decided to move out from his parent’s house just to taste how living alone feels like. Now, the fact that college is nearly over and Zitao will permanently leave from this flat starts making him restless, thinking about finding someone to replace him. A girlfriend perhaps?

 

Girlfriend. Relationship. There’s always a probability of the relationship to end, and then what? Kicking her out of this flat and find her replacement? Repeat?

 

Not only getting wary of the concept of a relationship, now he also starts being paranoid about the future of settling down with his chosen one. He didn’t know his breakup with the girl he thought he’ll spend the rest of his life with will affect him almost psychologically like this. He doesn’t even know what he’s currently doing with Wheein.

 

Speaking of which, he needs to get ready for their two day trip to the next town’s library. Wheein has started doing her final assignment for her study and he offered to help. It’s true that at first he never had any interest in literature. But the closer he gets to Wheein, the more he realizes that literature is actually interesting. He likes the idea of broadening his knowledge. It helps him think more critically. He believes it’ll benefit him as a decision maker one day. He’s truly excited to lend a hand in this.

 

Before going to the train station where Wheein and her friends will be waiting, he drops by to Chanyeol’s house to borrow a DSLR camera as Wheein said that they will need it. Chanyeol sounds a bit weird on the phone, like a person with a hangover. Did he get drunk last night? His question is answered when he barges in the house, the door unlocked. 

 

“Chanyeol?” He asks to an empty living room.

 

“In here,” and then a gagging sound of vomit.

 

_ Ew.  _ But still he rushes to the main bathroom to make sure that his buddy is alright, “Man.” Chanyeol is kneeling before the toilet, head down almost in it. He carefully comes closer and places his hand on his back.

 

“Baek-” Another gag, but nothing’s coming out.

 

“There, there, let it out, come on.” He starts rubbing his back to help him vomiting.

 

It makes him sick, the sound of Chanyeol’s throat is making. He seems in pain and Baekhyun starts getting worried. Thinking fast, he pours water into a glass and hands it to Chanyeol’s mouth. Two gulps, and the water comes out in resistance and Chanyeol gags again until the veins on his neck contract. His forehead is dripping with sweat. Right at the moment Baekhyun realizes something’s not right, a yellow liquid comes out of Chanyeol’s mouth.

 

“Shit.” He grabs towel and wipes Chanyeol’s mouth.

 

“What’s wrong with you? What did you eat?”

 

Tears are trailing down his pale cheeks, “My stomach hurts like a bitch. I just had breakfast-” He shoves Baekhyun away to vomit the yellow liquid again.

 

“What did you have for breakfast?”

 

Not waiting for Chanyeol’s answer, he goes out of the bathroom to check the sink in the kitchen. There is a bowl with a small amount of white liquid in it, then his eyes catch a cartoon of milk in the rubbish bin. He takes it and reads the expiration date but it indicates that it’s not due until a year from now.

 

Chanyeol keeps vomiting in the bathroom and it urges him to take action right away. He doesn’t know what’s happening but he knows he must take Chanyeol to the hospital as soon as possible. He cannot take the risk to get into another car crash if he drives them to the hospital using Chanyeol’s car though. “Fuck.” He curses, opening the Uber app.

 

After booking a car and telling the driver to be hurry, he gets back to the bathroom. Chanyeol nearly faints, he has no more energy to vomit. Baekhyun crouches down to help him to get on his feet, body limping, “Hang in there, I’m taking you to the hospital. Come on.”

 

In less than five minutes the Uber arrives, he wastes no time to bring Chanyeol, and a plastic bag in case Chanyeol vomits again, into the car. As the car makes its way to the hospital 50 km/hour, Chanyeol groans and cries. He’s so helpless that Baekhyun wants to cry too.

 

“Baek, please,” He says between sobs, “I can’t stand this anymore.”

 

“We’re getting there, sshh, come here.”

 

In a normal state, their situation right now might look super ridiculous. Park Chanyeol is crying, clutching his stomach, head resting on Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun removes Chanyeol’s hand and replace it with his, rubbing his stomach round and round trying to distract the pain by the hold of his hand.

 

Just like every emergency room in any hospital, it’s chaotic with people, nurses, and doctors rushing in all directions. Baekhyun manages to grab a nurse’s arm, asking for help to give Chanyeol treatment. The nurse shouts her friend’s name to help them instead.

 

They are bringing Chanyeol to the nearest empty emergency room’s bed and since he starts losing his consciousness, the nurse asks Baekhyun to quickly explain all the symptoms he’s been seeing from Chanyeol. The nurse repeats to the doctor when he arrives, drawing assumptions based on the blood pressure and few physical data Baekhyun doesn’t understand. After checking Chanyeol’s heart and stomach using the stethoscope, the doctor asks the nurse to prepare infusion.

 

“He’s losing too much liquid,” Seeing Baekhyun’s face fall, the doctor smiles assuredly, “but no worries, I’m sure it’s just food poisoning. Once his stomach is clean, he’s going to be alright.”

 

“Thanks, Doc.” Baekhyun nods in understanding, trying to return the smile.

 

“Sure. I’ll be back in an hour to check on the progress. For now, let’s wait for the infusion to work.”

 

After the nurse finishes performing the infusion and leaves, Baekhyun moves a chair next to the bed. He sits there, paying attention to how Chanyeol breathes calmly, eyes are close in a deep sleep. He must be exhausted after letting everything out of his stomach.

 

From the corner of his eyes, he catches Chanyeol’s pointy ears twitching. Baekhyun chuckles and lightly flicks the cute twitching ear using his index finger, “You scared me.” 

 

While taking a lunch break, he calls Yoora to tell her what has happened to Chanyeol. Yoora sounds aghast the moment he mentioned the hospital but he tells her that Chanyeol is most likely food poisoned. Then, she starts complaining on why she can’t leave him too long out of town for work, he can’t even pick his food without murdering himself. Baekhyun laughs and tells her not to worry too much. He promises to take care of him until Yoora’s back in town.

 

Yoora sighs, “Of course, he might want me to never come back home to disturb you two.” Baekhyun asks what she means but instead of answering Yoora says, “Give him a chance, Baekhyun. Help him.”

 

Baekhyun is still mulling over what Yoora said when his phone vibrates. It’s a text from Wheein asking where he is. He calls her instead, explaining his situation right now, that he can’t join her and her friends. Wheein says it’s no problem and wishes Chanyeol to recover soon. She also says not to be worried about the camera and that she’ll look for the book that Baekhyun wants. She really is a nice girl, Baekhyun smiles.

 

When Baekhyun returns to the emergency room, Chanyeol is already awake. The colors of his face is a bit more fresh than the last time Baekhyun saw him, yet he still looks tired.

 

“Hey,” He startles him.

 

Looking confused, he answers in a hoarse voice, “I thought you left.”

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“Like waking up from death.”

 

“Yeah, it was hell.”

 

Baekhyun sits on the bed instead of the chair. Chanyeol shifts to the other end of the bed, making more room for him. Baekhyun places the back of his hand on Chanyeol’s neck, checking the temperature--more of a gesture than curiosity.

 

“I’m never drinking milk again.”

 

Baekhyun laughs, “What for were you drinking milk anyway? Did you plan to grow taller, surpassing Burj Khalifa?”

 

“Shut up.” Chanyeol swats Baekhyun’s hand.

 

“You should see yourself while you cried like a baby,” Baekhyun’s laughter bubbles into delicious giggles, faking whines, “Baek, please I don’t wanna die.”

 

“Get the fuck out I didn’t say that!” Chanyeol dodges Baekhyun’s legs from the bed.

 

“Already have enough energy to fool around I see?” A woman’s voice disrupts their mini wrestling. 

 

Seeing a figure in white coat, Baekhyun quickly stands up and clumsily apologizes. The pretty doctor just shakes her head in amusement.

 

Receiving the news that Chanyeol can be discharged right away once the infusion finishes, both Chanyeol and Baekhyun feel ridiculous. It’s unbelievable that an hour ago Baekhyun was horrified watching Chanyeol helplessly dying and now the said person is claimed to be as healthy as a buffalo.

 

The doctor said that that’s what happens to us when we get mild food poisoning. Yet she warns Chanyeol not to consume dairy products, caffeine, alcohol, and spicy foods at least until the next three days. Baekhyun keeps that in mind.

 

While Chanyeol pays the hospital bills, Baekhyun looks for a cab to bring them home. Chanyeol seems a bit confused when Baekhyun gets inside the cab as well.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Home of course.”

 

“Didn’t you say you’re going to have a two day trip with Wheein?”

 

“I canceled it.” Baekhyun says casually before giving Chanyeol’s home address to the driver.

 

“What? Seriously?”

 

“I promised Yoora to take care of you until she’s back. Now, I’m officially your mother.” Baekhyun closes the cab’s door, “Let’s go, Sir.”

 

Chanyeol’s mouth gapes, about to shout a complain but for some reason he closes it in defeat and falls back to the passenger seat. He keeps looking at Baekhyun as if he has grown three heads though.

 

“What? Want mommy to rub your belly again?”

 

“God. Why.” He groans and turns over, facing the window instead. Baekhyun laughs boisterously. 

 

Convincing Chanyeol not to worry about him ditching the trip with Wheein is proving to be a bit troublesome. Chanyeol went as far as calling Wheein himself, telling her that he’s alright to be left and that Baekhyun can go. It takes a stern ‘NO’ from Wheein to make him stop. Shaking his head, Baekhyun goes to the kitchen to find out what he can make for Chanyeol.

 

In the end, Baekhyun boils some potato and fries some bacon and eggs. Internet confirms it’s safe for people who just got mild food poisoning, and he can’t cook complicated dishes, so he goes with it.

 

Chanyeol is lying comfortably on the sofa, hair still damp from showering. He's eating papaya that Baekhyun sliced for him before cooking, while watching ‘Extreme Fishing with Robson Green’ when he brings the food. 

 

“Why do I feel like your servant instead of your mother?” Baekhyun says placing the food on the table. He himself lands his bum on the sofa beside Chanyeol with a cup of ramyun in his hands.

 

“You eat your bacon and eggs. Give me that ramyun.” Chanyeol tries to snatch the noodle cup from his hold but Baekhyun swiftly hits Chanyeol’s hands.

 

“You wish. Hurry eat your food before it gets cold.”

 

Chanyeol sulks, closes his eyes in annoyance to pray, “Thank You for the meal God, and for testing me.”

 

“You’re not going to thank me for cooking the said meal?”

 

Chanyeol ignores him and stabs a slice of boiled potato, but Baekhyun grabs his wrist, halting him from eating.

 

“What again?” He snarls.

 

“Have you taken the medicine I told you to take before eating? The green one?”

 

“Yes, mom. I did.” Chanyeol smiles, so handsome in Baekhyun’s opinion, drawing his hands from Baekhyun’s grip and brings the fork to his mouth, eating like a good boy he was told to be. Baekhyun clears his throat, blows his ramyun loudly in an attempt to cool down the hot noodle, and a hammering organ inside his rib cage.

 

After taking a quick shower, Baekhyun covers his midsection with a towel, and opens Chanyeol’s wardrobe to find the usual shirt and sweatpants he wears whenever he spends the night at Chanyeol’s. A crumpled black fabric catches his eyes on the lowest shelf. It’s the black fishnet bodysuit that’s supposed to be Sunbin’s birthday gift. So Chanyeol still keeps it, Baekhyun chuckles.

 

He lies himself on the bed, looking at the dark ceiling above that he’s been familiar with for more than a decade. Sometimes when he looks at the ceiling before sleeping in his flat, he imagines that it’s Chanyeol’s bedroom’s ceiling instead. It oddly comforted him and sent him to sleep rather easily. After a while he rolls over, looking at where Chanyeol is breathing serenely on the other side of the bed, Yoora’s voice rings in his head.  _ Give him a chance, Baekhyun. Help him. _

 

+++

 

Baekhyun has made sure for the umpteenth time that Chanyeol is ready for tonight and that he won’t be late because if he suddenly ditches the occasion, he’s going to pay really huge for this. Not in any amount of money, but in unimaginable shame and complete corruption of trust. He has convinced Wheein that Chanyeol is available to join the ballroom dance that is held by her faculty and that he’s enthusiastic to be Solar’s, her best friend, partner.

 

The ballroom is already half full but Baekhyun admits he’s being a bit too jittery because he’s on a mission. He’s going to help Chanyeol free himself from whatever that is trapping him. And this is gonna be the starting line. He keeps glancing at the entrance hall, half listening to the speech and to the talks that has been going on in the circle of Wheein’s friends and their partners. 

 

“Baekhyun, champagne?” Wheein offers him a glass and a smile.

 

“Sure,” He takes the glass and returns the smile, “What time will the main event start?” He once again looks around the room. Colorful dresses are glittering under the lights, and black tuxedos in between prevent him from squinting his eyes.

 

“Not in thirty minutes. Chanyeol hasn’t arrived?”

 

“Yeah, but I’m sure he-,” A familiar tall figure catches his glimpse, “Oh! There he is! Fucking finally.” Baekhyun puts the glass back on the tray of a servant who is passing by and then walks through the crowd before losing Chanyeol from his sight.

 

“Ten more minutes late, I’ll be chopping your bone!” Baekhyun punches Chanyeol’s arm in relief.

 

Chanyeol lets out a loud  _ oomph _ before offering a wide grin as an apology, “Sorry. You had no idea how frustrating Yoora and her obsession with matching my tux and the bowties.”

 

Baekhyun scans Chanyeol from head to toe, taking notes of how the black tux hugs Chanyeol’s broad shoulders just right and how fitting his black styled hair with his charming look is. He takes a step closer to fix the slightly crooked bowtie and gives him an approving nod, “Well, Yoora did a good job.”

 

Chanyeol rolls his eyes, “If this ain’t for your heroic action saving me from last week’s food poisoning disaster.”

 

Baekhyun snickers, “Shall we present you to the beautiful ladies waiting over there?”

 

Arriving back at Wheein’s circle of friends, Baekhyun has to cut their conversation to introduce Chanyeol to them. Wheein is the most delighted to welcome Chanyeol. She then tugs a girl in a pretty knee length maroon gown.

 

“Chanyeol-ssi, meet your partner tonight, Solar.”

 

The girl named Solar has a confident smile, “Nice to finally meet you, Chanyeol.”

 

“Hello, Solar. I hope I won’t disappoint as your partner tonight.”

 

“I apologize in advance if he steps on your feet later, he’s a bit clumsy,” Baekhyun teases.

 

“Don’t listen to him. He’s full of shit.” Chanyeol shakes his head and the girls giggle in mirth.

 

Not long after Chanyeol’s arrival, the host announces for everyone to take comfortable positions with each partner for the dance will start. Baekhyun places his left hand carefully on Wheein’s back, right hand clapping in the air with hers, their face decorated with bashful smiles. Next to them are Chanyeol and Solar with the exact same position. Despite their first time seeing each other, somehow they don’t seem to be awkward at all as Chanyeol is laughing at something Solar just said animatedly. First string of Young Mozart’s Ballroom Dancing startles everyone, and the dance begins.

 

The ballroom comes alive in tandem with the swaying couples following the sounds of violin and drums. Each step and the fluttering waves of dresses build the atmosphere into a huge rich delight. Everyone’s smile gets wider and wider as the rhythm paces up and down and up, up, up.

 

Entering the second half of the first round, the excitement begins to peak as they expect to release each partner and go grab anyone’s hand randomly. Chanyeol mouthing  _ one, two, three _ and releases a spinning, grinning, Solar at the same time with the last screech of violin. He still tries to catch his breath when the light dims and somebody’s back bumps his back. He turns around, and a start of slow dance music breaks the air.

 

“Really?” Baekhyun with perspiration on his forehead, laughs.

 

Chanyeol shrugs then grabs his hand almost abruptly to get Baekhyun to come closer to him as people starts slow dancing around them. Baekhyun has to put his hand on Chanyeol’s chest to stop bumping his nose to the, again, crooked bow tie.

 

He glares, ready to push him away but Chanyeol holds his hand and places them around his neck, “Dance with me,” He said while his own hands circle Baekhyun’s waist.

 

He takes the first step to the right and Baekhyun, being locked, has no choice but to follow.

 

“I can’t believe this.” Baekhyun bites his bottom lip, trying not to laugh too loud.

 

“There are so many things you won’t believe, I guess.”

 

“Like what?” Baekhyun intertwines his own fingers around Chanyeol’s neck, chin up challenging him.

 

“Close your eyes.”

 

“I’m not risking you to embarrass me in the dark, Park.”

 

“Fine, then I will.” 

 

Chanyeol doesn’t joke around. He’s really closing his eyes and Baekhyun starts guessing what kind of game they are possibly playing when they’re slow dancing in the dim light. He starts feeling awkward looking at Chanyeol’s face in such proximity without Chanyeol knowing, like it’s too intimate and that he shouldn’t look at.

 

As the music lull everyone more and more to a comforting ambiance, Baekhyun naturally closes his eyes too. He let Chanyeol lead them to dance counter-clockwise around the imaginary rectangular line dance and then he feels the grip on his waist tighten and something hard as skull, warm skin, touch his forehead and minty breath fanning his face. Still he keeps closing his eyes afraid. Afraid of what, he doesn’t know.

 

Chanyeol tries really really hard not to analyze anything behind his closing eyes. He doesn’t know if Baekhyun’s eyes are open or close, he doesn’t care, he just wants to enjoy this moment, this close proximity he’s sure he will never ever get if both of them are not under the spell of the music and the dance. He feels his bone crushing when Baekhyun’s hands on his nape loosens but then tightens in less than a second. And he’s so sure he’s not sleeping, when he feels there are fingers tugging his hair. He’s so sure he’s not dreaming, when he hears Baekhyun’s breath hitches.

 

Chanyeol doesn’t know what possessed him but he’s bringing Baekhyun closer. He can feel Baekhyun’s heart beating at the same  _ thump, thump, thump _ with his heart, on his chest. He wants to say his name, he’s very close to whispering “Baekhyun”. He’s sure there will be no more room between them, if only he dares to break their touching foreheads and closes the remaining gap between their lips.  _ Just one more time.  _ But he doesn’t.

 

He doesn’t remember when he stopped moving but the music starts fading away and he wishes to the stars above to please let this moment last a little bit longer. He knows the magic is about to be over, he can feel his insides crumble in defeat but then he feels a brush of lips on his ears whispering, “Your voice undresses me,” and a cold palm brushing his cheek, “all of me.”

 

When he opens his eyes, there’s no one in front of him. 

 

+++

 

Part III - Preemptive Strike

  
  


The color maroon is the first thing that wakes him up from his daze. That confident smile greets him again after a few minutes that felt like a lifetime in his own clock. Chanyeol takes the girl's awaiting hand, continues dancing with his mind scattering. It feels like he’s in a rush of people as they bump each other's shoulders at the crossroad.

 

Chanyeol doesn't dare to look for where Baekhyun is. He keeps dancing step by step, releasing and embracing his partner, until the music completely stops and everyone claps their hands.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

His sight comes to focus at the face of a girl, throat trying to eases out a steady voice, still it wavers, "Yeah." He tries to smile but it doesn't feel right, "Solar, I think I need to go to the restroom. Will you be alright?"

 

"Sure, I'll be around here." She answers in understanding.

 

Swimming through the crowd, he reaches the restroom to quickly wash his face several times in an attempt to wake himself even though he's already so awake. He breathes through his mouth, chest rising and falling, tries to find the truth in the reflection of himself in the mirror.

 

After making sure he's calm enough, he returns to the ballroom to where he left Solar. She's there like she promised, hands covering her loud laugh as her friend is telling stories perhaps about the dance that just happened.

 

Chanyeol awkwardly clears his throat to get their attention and sheepishly smiles when they give him the attention.

 

"Chanyeol!" Solar exclaims, "Baekhyun left just now. He was looking for you. I told him you were in the restroom. Wheein had to go home early. I think he took her home."

 

"Oh, I see." He brings his hands into his pants pocket, hiding the tremor, "What about you then? Are you going home soon?"

 

"No, there's still an important event after the break. We shouldn't miss it if we can." 

 

"Okay." Chanyeol needs to go home but he's afraid it will be considered rude if he leaves now.

 

"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" Solar asks again and he feels so exposed, "If you're feeling unwell, I think you should rest."

 

"I'm sorry," He usually puts others in priority but he's too overwhelmed right now and he really needs an empty room to let his mind rest, "I don't know what’s happening to me." It's not a lie.

 

"That's okay. Just go home and take a rest. I had so much fun dancing with you. You didn't disappoint me."

 

Chanyeol can't help smile warmly at her, "I'm glad."

 

He drives home quite slowly, car radio left turned off. With a hazy mind like now, he can't even process anything, not even music. He keeps replaying what just happened between him and Baekhyun not even an hour ago. And it starts frustrating him that he doesn't know which part is true and which part is a product of his imagination behind his closed eyes. But he felt it. He heard it. He's sure of it. He just didn't see it. He wishes he opened his eyes instead.

 

Yoora is watching TV in the living room when he walks straight to his bedroom. He hears her calling his name but he doesn't answer. He just needs to be alone right now.

 

Sitting for ten minutes clearly doesn't bring him anywhere. Perhaps he just needs to sleep through this and find what left when he wakes up tomorrow. He's unbuttoning his white shirt when he hears his bedroom door creak and someone enters. Nothing prepared him from who he sees.

 

"Baekhyun?"

 

"Hey,” He shuts the door, “Couldn't sleep at the flat. Zitao left again. It's too eerie." His eyes are hooded with something he can't decipher.

 

Seeing Chanyeol frozen, he takes a careful step to where Chanyeol stands, "What are you doing?"

 

There are thunders and a storm in his entire shell. He takes his tux, ready to be kept in his closet, "I just arrived. Tried to accompany Solar for a while," Lies, "So yeah, you go to sleep, I'm changing my c-"

 

A slide of cool hands on the front of his chest cut his words and his breath at the same time, "Let me help."

 

What on earth is happening? Chanyeol tries not to lose his mind when Baekhyun, slowly, starts popping out each of his shirt button from its hole. Chanyeol is so so afraid of what might come next, he really can't trust himself. He shivers, but Baekhyun seems unbothered at all. As if undressing Chanyeol is a casual thing to do.

 

His top is now bare, Baekhyun lets the shirt fall like feather on the floor. Chanyeol takes a step to continue undressing his pants in private but Baekhyun stops him by his waist. He goes on his knees and, to Chanyeol's horror, he tugs the pants zipper down.

 

"Baekhyun,"

 

His pants is now pooling on his feet and instead of fear, Chanyeol starts feeling a pit of anger forming inside his chest. Just what the fuck is Baekhyun thinking. How can he do this without knowing what kind of impact he's currently leaving on Chanyeol's side?

 

Chanyeol is ready to spit venomous words to him but then Baekhyun stands up and looks at him in the eyes, "You asked me to close my eyes, I did. Now I ask you to open your eyes." He pulls his own shirt then throws it carelessly to the floor, "Don't even blink." Pants removed and Chanyeol can't believe his eyes because Baekhyun is wearing nothing beneath it, "I want to show you something." He pushes Chanyeol until he falls on the bed.

 

There's no sound except a ringing on his ears, his brain stops processing what is going on when Baekhyun instructs him to lean on the headboard of his queen size bed. He just does what Baekhyun tells him to do with a pair of eyes opening so wide.

 

He's not even ashamed absorbing the sight of Baekhyun's nudity, like a newborn, when he crawls inch by inch to where he lies. He doesn't know if he should pull his underwear off as well, he just can't think what is the right thing to do, or what to do at all.

 

His silly question is answered when Baekhyun peels his underwear and let Chanyeol's manhood spring to the air. Chanyeol badly wants to close his eyes but the sight of Baekhyun smirking to his member is quickly dismissing the urgency.

 

Chanyeol swears never even once did he dare to hope this situation to ever happen but wow, here they are, both naked in each other's personal space.

 

Baekhyun gets on his knees so he can look down at Chanyeol. He holds Chanyeol's chin up and sternly says, "Watch this."

 

Baekhyun's other hand slowly runs down his own neck, flutters across his broad chest, dances down his abs until finally reaches his sex.

 

Chanyeol's eyes automatically falls on where Baekhyun's hand is stroking his length but Baekhyun's other hand moves to his nape, tugs his hair, and forces him to look at Baekhyun's face instead.

 

It's definitely a sin. Looking at how Baekhyun's expression changes vulnerably like a canvas of mixed colors of paint. His mouth slightly opens as his breath starts getting heavier. Eyebrows scrunching in concentration as his eyes stare deep into Chanyeol's irises. And surprisingly, Chanyeol can't bring himself to look away. Not even a blink. It's too beautiful. Baekhyun is beautiful.

 

Unable to support himself due to the unbearable pleasure that begins spreading through his whole body, Baekhyun falls into Chanyeol's lap but he hasn't finished. Chanyeol feels Baekhyun's lips ghosting on his sternum and those long dainty fingers gripping strongly on his shoulder.

 

He dares himself to carefully place his hands on Baekhyun's backside. Earning no resistance, Chanyeol caresses the skin there. Cold, smooth, yet hard, just like how Chanyeol guessed.

 

Baekhyun turns himself to rest his back on Chanyeol's torso. Comfortably leans on the warm surface, one hand clings around the neck. He sighs as Chanyeol's hands run down his thighs, pinching strongly then loosely before stroking again on the lower part, bringing Baekhyun’s legs up until the knees fold and the legs part wide.

 

Baekhyun begins making beautiful noises and Chanyeol decides that he likes it very much. He continues stroking his own member at the same slow pace Chanyeol's hands make on the inside of his thigh.

 

"You're so beautiful," Chanyeol whispers on his ears, inhaling the intoxicating masculine scent of Baekhyun's body. 

 

Baekhyun whimpers helplessly, "Ch- an, nh, yeol," He's struggling to breathe and how Chanyeol wants to deliver air to his mouth, but he kisses Baekhyun's head instead.

 

"You're doing good," he answers, afraid of Baekhyun thinking that he's not there, nobody else.

 

"Faster?" Baekhyun grunts and it sounds almost animalistic, it makes Chanyeol's bury his nose in Baekhyun's neck, kisses his jaw, smooches a line of skin to his shoulder.

 

"I'd like that," Chanyeol's answer is a mumble but he's sure Baekhyun hears it well.

 

His hand’s movement becomes frantic, "Fuck, oh- hah!" And God, Chanyeol is trying so hard not to buck his neglected erection on Baekhyun's backside in rhythm with it.

 

"More, come on Baek," He starts growling with Baekhyun and while his right hand is stroking Baekhyun's flexing stomach, his left hand travels down, and down until his finger reaches the tender skin, a sensitive opening. Just one touch, and Baekhyun releases.

 

Baekhyun turns his head, placing his panting mouth on Chanyeol's cheek. He can feel a smile slowly forming there.

 

He's about to brush Baekhyun's damp hair, he wants to look at that face but he suddenly can't move his hands. Everything suddenly becomes too heavy, even for breathing. When finally he finds air to breathe again, his eyes abruptly open. 

 

"Fuck," Chanyeol rises, looking at his embarrassing wet crotch, still fully clothed in his black pants and white shirt from last night’s ballroom dance.

 

+++

 

Things have gotten out of control, that’s the only thing that Chanyeol’s sure of. Reality and wishful thinking have mixed. And if harboring his feeling only leads him to this overwhelming uncontrolled state, he’s now going to talk to Baekhyun or stop. He’s going to ask if this craziness is only happening to him or Baekhyun also shares the same sparks, even if it’s just a fourth of what Chanyeol feels about them.

 

He finishes taking a shower and washing his bed sheet, images of his dream keeps invading his mind and it’s just annoying that he can’t control the stir in his stomach every time an image flashes in his mind. He shakes his head, goes out of his bed room only to find another surprise.

 

“There he is,” Yoora throws him a state of full relief, “Almost thought you won’t be opening your bedroom door all day long.”

 

“Hi,” Chanyeol wants to run and hug Sunbin right there and then but he just dumbly stands there in the verge of crying.

 

Yoora stands up then ruffles his hair, “I called her because I’m worried about you after last night. Talk to her.”

 

Chanyeol wants to say sorry to Yoora for his rude behavior last night. She must be thinking that he doesn’t wanna talk to her thus she called Sunbin. He should’ve known Yoora will be so worried, but Yoora just smiles and leaves them in the living room.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Sunbin’s smile is somber, she knows, she always knows.

 

Fear, relief, frustration, everything crashes at once and Chanyeol goes to her, hugs her tight, and releases every layer of emotion he’s been bottling up to himself in wailing sobs of pain. Sunbin can’t hold her own tears listening to the sound of Chanyeol’s torment. She looks at Yoora who is covering her own mouth, tears falling, feeling helpless for her brother. Sunbin nods her head to let her know that she’s going to make sure that Chanyeol will be fine. Yoora nods back and leaves them.

 

Satisfied crying, Chanyeol retracts himself, head down suddenly feeling shy and stupid. Sunbin smiles and wipes the remaining tears trailing down of Chanyeol’s face. Chanyeol holds her hand on his cheek, “I miss you,” he says finally smiling.

 

“Me too,” Sunbin’s smile widens like a blooming chrysanthemum.

 

They talk in the kitchen while Chanyeol cooks waffle for both of them. Laughter starts filling the room and it’s comforting, with bright sunny day outside lighting the whole scene. Chanyeol was afraid that he has completely lost Sunbin but she clarifies that she just needs some time to neutralize her complicated feelings towards him. Of course, it’s not that easy, Chanyeol understands. And he doesn’t know how not to blame himself but he’ll try, for Sunbin’s sake.

 

Resolution has been made, with Sunbin’s support, he’s gonna talk to Baekhyun. He did sent the message, of the request for them to meet. Chanyeol made the message casual like usual, still he’s nervous. Ever since the dance, he’s been looking for ways to face Baekhyun like nothing happened during the dance, like the dance means nothing.

 

The next Friday, Chanyeol is ready waiting for Baekhyun in their usual bistro in the city center. The night is young, people are walking down the street to find comfort food from their favorite restaurants. Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s favorite bistro is oddly not even in the top ten favorite places to eat around the area. Chanyeol’s glad though, he needs Baekhyun to listen carefully to what he’s going to say and he doesn’t want any interruption to distract them and make him forget the words that he has prepared.

 

He catches Baekhyun’s figure passing through the bistro’s large windows, adrenaline surges throughout his veins, hands become too cold in a second. He wets his suddenly dry lips, heart pounding like crazy.  _ God, let me do this right _ , Chanyeol prays.

 

Baekhyun enters and sweeps through the room to find him, when their eyes meet and the man he was waiting for curls up one side of his lips, all the nerves that has been attacking him disappears like it’s never even been there before. It’s just Baekhyun, what the fuck is wrong with him. He shakes his head in disbelief, feeling so silly. He must be suffering from an illness because how can his emotion change in such an extreme way like this every time he sees him. 

 

“What? Do I look funny?” Baekhyun drags the chair, making a screeching sound on the floor.

 

Chanyeol chuckles, “Yeah, you look like a walking burrito in that bloody huge jacket,”

 

“A hot one, thanks.”  _ Damn yes,  _ Chanyeol says in his mind when Baekhyun shrugs off his jacket, revealing a black T-shirt hugging his broad rigid posture, he quickly slaps his face in his mind.

 

“This bistro is always so empty, why do we keep coming here again?” Baekhyun finally sits, as usual, he ruffles his own hair into a mess.

 

“Because we are too lazy to find a new one,” Chanyeol calls the waiter, making the order without even bothering to  look at the menu. It’s a wonder really, despite how often they come here this same waiter never remember their usual order.

 

Their conversation starts with their progress on their undergraduate thesis. In less than a month they will finally graduate. Some of the students choose to stress over it, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are not one of them. When Baekhyun starts excitedly talking about the new popular game online they haven’t tried yet, he knows it’s his time to start the serious talk.

 

Chanyeol is contemplating whether to cut right now, or after they finish eating, when Baekhyun’s phone rings, cutting Baekhyun’s rambles. He looks at the watch on his hand while saying, “yes, sure, yeah, right, okay.” to the receiver.

 

Chanyeol can feel the start of an uneasy feeling, an ominous feeling that things will not go according to his plan. And he swears in his mind he’s going to make an abrupt exit and leave something to think for Baekhyun if he dares to ruin this night.

 

His intuition explodes like a bomb when Baekhyun grins, “I have a surprise for you.” 

 

He looks at where Baekhyun’s head is turning and sees Wheein and Solar entering the bistro. That’s it. He has had enough of this.

 

“Why the fuck do you always do as you please?” He growls, surprising Baekhyun.

 

“Excuse me?” Baekhyun asks dumbly.

 

Chanyeol shakes his head and stands up, “I can’t do this, Baek. Not anymore.” And he leaves.

 

+++

 

Baekhyun is still processing what just happened when Wheein and Solar arrive in their table.

 

“Baekhyun, did something happened? We tried to call Chanyeol but he just, left.” Wheein carefully asks.

 

Not wanting to leave any problematic impression, Baekhyun quickly gathers himself and says, “Don’t worry, he’s just upset about something.” He runs his hand through his hair, “Sorry though, it’s just the three of us now. I’m afraid I can’t make him come back now.” He smiles regretfully.

 

“Oh, it’s okay,” Solar finally speaks, “Are you okay though?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Baekhyun sits back on his chair, “Please have a seat.” 

 

They end up having dinner with just the three of them. It’s still pleasant, though it’s a bit too silent for a group dinner. And it might be because Baekhyun’s mind is no longer in the bistro. Thankfully, Wheein and Solar have an abundant stuff to talk about. They let Baekhyun be quiet and just listen, bursting a small laugh once or twice every few minutes. 

 

Baekhyun once again apologizes to the girls and they quickly dismiss it. When he thinks they are about to part their ways for the night, Solar seems hesitant but finally speaks, glancing to Wheein as if asking permission.

 

“Is something wrong?” Baekhyun prompts.

 

“Um, actually, I don’t know if I need to tell you about this.” Solar’s eyes look nervous, “On the ball after you left, Chanyeol seems very disoriented and I asked him to just go home. He looked like he’s been struck by, I don’t know, I’m just worried I think I just need you to know.”

 

Baekhyun knows what he did back then was too much but he didn’t think it will overwhelm Chanyeol this fatal, “Oh, did he say something?”

 

“He said he doesn’t know what’s happening to him,” Solar frowns, “Baekhyun, is he okay? Does- does it have something to do with you introducing me? Because I feel bad if it does.”

 

_ No.  _ “No, Solar, of course not.” He knows he’s lying but Solar, a third party in his own silly idea doesn’t deserve to feel bad. “He’s a friendly guy. It’s just something has been bothering him and I upset him. It has nothing to do with you.”

 

Solar nods, “Okay, then, I’m glad. I hope things get better for him.” 

 

Wheein offers him a genuine smile and a few strokes on his arms, he knows what it means. He’s been right, Chanyeol has been hiding something from him, and it involves him.

 

Baekhyun lifelessly unlocks his flat door only to find it blocked by something heavy on the other side of the door. He hits the wooden door several times and calls Zitao. There are steps, shuffles, and an exclaim of _a_ _minute!_ before the door finally opens, presenting two grinning lanky boys. It’s Zitao and his friend Sehun.

 

“Sorry, forgot to move this box of books.”

 

Right, Zitao is emptying his flat today. A pang of sadness and emptiness pinches his heart, “What kind of books are as heavy as that?”

 

Zitao and Sehun gave him no answer as they are arranging the card boxes, “So, everything’s wrapped?” He asks again.

 

“Yeah, thanks to Sehun.” Zitao pats his handsome friend.

 

“Sorry I didn’t help.” Baekhyun says regretfully.

 

“You sure are a shitty flatmate, Baek.” Zitao rolls his eyes, “Still I have to invite you to my farewell dinner tomorrow for the sake of our 3 year flatmateship.”

 

“I’m in if there’s a karaoke session after.”

 

Zitao huffs in disbelief and Sehun muffles a laughter, “Fine!”

 

Leaving Zitao and Sehun, he enters his bed room with a morose face. He’s always good in hiding his true emotion in front of people. It’s been always his expertise, not even Chanyeol can effortlessly guess. 

 

Perhaps that’s also why Chanyeol thinks Baekhyun doesn’t notice that he’s been acting particularly different towards him for at least the past three years. Contrary to him, Chanyeol has been always too easy to read. The kick start was that time when Chanyeol out of nowhere suddenly dated Sunbin and created distance between them.

 

Baekhyun is now more convinced that something is happening between him and Chanyeol. He’s been arranging the puzzle and now it’s almost complete. He knows where this will lead him to and he’s not surprised because unconsciously, it’s not once or twice that he thinks of the possibility where their relationship progress to something more fragile. But perhaps it’ll be different, he doesn’t know.

 

He takes out his phone and hovers his finger over Chanyeol’s contact.

 

_ From: Baekhyun _

_ To: Chanyeol _

 

_ I’ve been too pushy, I’m sorry _

 

He doesn’t expect to get a reply soon but his phone vibrates.

 

_ From: Chanyeol _

_ To: Baekhyun _

 

_ S’okay _

 

Is he still mad? Baekhyun wonders and wish they are talking instead. 

 

_ From: Baekhyun _

_ To: Chanyeol _

 

_ Are we cool? _

 

It’s a stupid question, of course Chanyeol will reply that they are. They don’t need this conversation. They need the real talk.

 

_ From: Chanyeol _

_ To: Baekhyun _

 

_ Sure _

 

It’s decided then. Baekhyun will test the water for one last time.

 

_ From: Baekhyun _

_ To: Chanyeol _

 

_ Come over tomorrow? Zitao’s farewell _

 

The reply doesn’t arrive soon. Baekhyun is almost asleep when it does.

 

_ From: Chanyeol _

_ To: Baekhyun _

 

_ K _

 

Baekhyun is almost sure Chanyeol is okay to see him tonight and he’s ready to make a momentum to have the real talk, no bullshit. Instead of nervousness, he’s honestly feeling excited. He even helps reserving the place where Zitao will hold the small farewell dinner.

 

The occasion itself is nothing big. Just a few of Zitao’s circles of friends, containing 12 guys in total. Baekhyun doesn’t know most of them, he’s just familiar with Sehun and one of Zitao’s Chinese friend, Luhan.

 

Chanyeol comes at 8:17 pm, yes Baekhyun has been waiting almost restlessly. There’s nothing that could describe how relieved he feels when his eyes fall at a 6 feet figure wearing that blue jacket that he knows too well. He sees him greeting Zitao first, conversing with such fondness in his eyes that he always gives for anyone who is in need of support or even just a tiny sympathy. 

 

Zitao pats his back then beckons him to where he’s currently staring at them. Their eyes meet and nothing’s different, just a bit more anticipation. Chanyeol starts walking to him and nod politely to Zitao’s friends who happen to look at him. 

 

They don’t break their eye contact even until Chanyeol sits beside him, as if both of them know they are in a battle and they are about to end it. Baekhyun offers him a plate of what looks like... ramyun. Chanyeol rolls his eyes when he sees an empty ramyun cup--the same one Baekhyun ate when Chanyeol was food poisoned--not far from where Baekhyun is sitting. 

 

“You sure know how to make peace with me.” He shakes his head and receives the chopstick. Baekhyun smiles proudly.

 

After singing and dancing shamelessly for Zitao on the makeshift stage the resto has, they chill on the resto balcony, each holding a bottle of beer and nursing it lazily. It’s a nice starlit night, Baekhyun is glad Zitao is surrounded by people he loves. At least there’s something akin to home here that he’ll miss.

 

“The guy named Kris is fucking hilarious. Where did he get that weird ass hat with purple wig. Holy shit.” Chanyeol laughs again, “His rap is not so bad though.”

 

“The dance battle between that Jongin guy and Zhang is still my favorite. It was hot.”

 

“Not even surprised when it comes from you.” Chanyeol takes a gulp.

 

“Well, sorry that my hormone works their job.” Baekhyun follows taking a gulp. “I’m quite surprised Zitao has a bunch of interesting guys as his close friends. I wish I had as many as him.”

 

“Are Zitao and Sehun an item? They always seem chummy. Even in front of so many friends.”

 

Baekhyun turn his back and rests himself on the railing, “Nah, Sehun has a boyfriend.”

 

“Boyfriend?”

 

“Yeah, Zitao told me once. He said he just becomes extra protective towards him since he dated.” Baekhyun takes a far glance to where Zitao and few of the guys are still enjoying their time inside the resto. “It must be hard for both of them, to be separated.”

 

“Connection between people is as fragile as a thread. It’s a matter of how much you trust the other end, I guess. A disjoint thread can always be tied again.”

 

Baekhyun let Chanyeol’s words sink deep into his mind. The painful memory of him cutting a beautiful relationship with Taeyeon surfacing like a corrupted aurora in his mind. Chanyeol is right, it’s all a matter of trust. And he’s so ashamed that he didn’t have that trust despite of how long he had built the relationship with her, despite how well he knows her.

 

But if somebody asks if he want to rejoin the cut ribbon, he’ll give  _ no  _ as the answer. Why? Because he knows there’s no one he can easily trust as easy as he trusts another person, this person.

 

“Yeol,” he starts, “Move in to my flat, please?”

 

“How old are you again? Still afraid of ghosts?”

 

Chanyeol thinks Baekhyun couldn’t catch the crack in his voice. Just how far Chanyeol will keep hiding his true feeling from him, Baekhyun wonders. 

 

“No, I’m serious. Move in with me.”

 

This, at least, earns a fixed stare from Chanyeol, “You know I have my own home.”

 

“And?”

 

“And, I can’t just leave my sister alone?” Chanyeol laughs in a mock, as if Baekhyun’s offering is some joke to him.

 

“She’s your older sister, not your little sister.” Baekhyun takes another gulp of beer, “Do you ever think that she also needs space? To build her own family?”

 

“I am her only family.” Chanyeol says offended and Baekhyun smirks.

 

“Don’t kid yourself, Park. When will you learn to live independently?”

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you man?”

 

“What? I’m just asking you to move in with me and asking for a valid reason of why you decline the offer? Tell me which part is so wrong about it?”

 

“Then why are you asking me to move in with you?”

 

“Because obviously I need you?”

 

“I’m not having this conversation.” Chanyeol puts his bottle down on the table, ready to leave Baekhyun but no, Baekhyun will not let him get away with this.

 

“Bullshit. I know everything, every single fucking thing you’ve been hiding from me.”

 

Chanyeol freezes at where he stands.

 

Earning no answer, Baekhyun becomes impatient, “I know why you can’t live with me. Should I tell you why?”

 

Chanyeol brings one hand to his hip, the other wiping his face tiredly. The sight of Chanyeol’s eyes glistening with tears when he turns to face him again leaves Baekhyun frozen.

 

“You think this is a joke, don’t you? Yes, fuck you, I want us to be more than just this. I want to punch you like a fighter, I want to kiss you like a sinner, I want to ignore you like a stranger, I want to rip you apart like a lover, I want everything.”

 

The bark of his laughter after that is frightening and Baekhyun starts thinking that maybe this is not a good idea.

 

“But do you think I want this? Do you think I'm not trying to stop? I have chosen to stop this, Baek. I’m fucking tired. So don’t you worry your pretty ass. I’ll end this, whatever this is, right fucking now.”

 

Why? Why is Chanyeol giving up on him right when he's sure of what they can be. He doesn’t even start to show him what he sees yet. This can’t be happening. He can’t just let Chanyeol throw away the very huge possibility of their future. They haven’t even started yet. He knows he needs to do something but fear starts seeping through the air as he breathes in, controlling him from the inside.

 

What if it’s never meant to work anyway. What if he trusts Chanyeol enough but Chanyeol doesn’t trust him enough. Baekhyun hasn’t finished thinking of another  _ what if  _ but Chanyeol is long gone from his sight. 

 

+++

 

Reading, researching, consulting, and presentation is the current routine he has no choice but to follow. Working on the thesis in a serious manner keeps him on track. All he can think about is numbers, customers, and marketers. There’s one thing that frustrates him for the past eleven days though; opening his email firstly in the morning finding no new awaited email on his inbox.

 

Yoora has been very supportive of him as always providing him meals and stuff he can’t prepare alone as thesis is draining him out. He feels bad that he can’t help her when she’s also working. They have no problems with money, almost ever, their figurative dad always makes sure of it but Chanyeol starts feeling that useless feeling again. The one that he had buried for so long. It keeps resurfacing since a particular day. Since a particular someone.

 

Chanyeol takes his reading glasses off. There are only 3 days left until his final presentation, a week left until his graduation. Just when will he get the good news from the internship applications he had sent through email, Chanyeol sighs.

 

And it’s been almost three weeks since the last time they talked. He closes his book and goes to his bed, blocking the same uninvited voices and thoughts that appear almost everyday in hisdeep sleep. 

 

On the day of his final presentation, Yoora cooks him their mother’s recipe of fried rice and it really is special that Chanyeol cries.

 

“I have had enough seeing you cry this year oh gosh,” Yoora takes a tissue and gives it to him.

 

“Sorry sis, but I really miss mom.” He sniffs, “And who told you to cook her fried rice? It’s your fault.”

 

“Mom, look at your son. Still a crybaby as ever.” Yoora says, rolling her eyes.

 

Finished chewing the last scoop of rice from his plate, Chanyeol smiles, “Noona,”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Will you be happier if I make it to Dubai and leave you living alone in this house?”

 

“Well, it depends.”

 

“On?”

 

“If by the time you go I find my own happiness here, of course I’ll be happy. And, if you’re happy with your life there, of course I’ll be happier.” She gets up from her seat, “No matter what, you’ll always be my baby brother. Good luck for today!” She ruffles his hair, just like she always does for Chanyeol’s life.

 

It’s been a while since the last time Chanyeol feels this light.

 

+++

 

Two days after graduation, there’s a scream of Y _ es! Fuck! Thank God!  _ from Chanyeol’s room followed by, “Noona! I’m flying to Dubai!” Yoora’s scream is louder than Chanyeol’s. They jump like two happy kids, stomping their feet on the floor that belongs to a very warm house.

 

That afternoon, Chanyeol feels something missing though. Not that the other times he doesn’t feel it. It’s just, this time the feeling intensifies and keeps him restless. It’ll be a lie if on the graduation day he didn’t look for Baekhyun’s figure in a sea of people. He thinks he saw him, only for a second before his small figure was swallowed by the crowd again. 

 

It’ll also be a lie if he didn’t try to call him. There are 27 drafts of messages in his phone, all for him, written every single day since that night. He deletes all the draft then starts typing a new one.

 

_ From: Chanyeol _

_ To: Baekhyun _

 

_ Baekhyun, can we talk? I have something to tell you. Meet me at Rote Pier tomorrow at 7 pm. _

 

They haven’t talked for almost one month. Chanyeol read the sent message again and again and realized how words can limit the whole message one wants to deliver towards another.

 

It sounds so neutral, as if there're no thousands of complicated emotions behind each alphabet written there. Will Baekhyun know, will Baekhyun understand, will Baekhyun tolerate him, he wishes that he will.

 

Chanyeol wakes up the next day to an  _ okay _ from Baekhyun. He looks at his phone screen until the LED switches off, leaving a reflection of himself on the screen.

 

The road to the pier has always been his favorite one. No matter what state he's in when he drives there, his mind gradually clears itself as the scenery changes from blocks of old buildings to rubber trees to the dark blue ocean.

 

The sun just set, sea wind is harsh as always. There's a sudden urge to smoke a cigarette, even though he doesn't smoke. Perhaps if he finds a stall he'll buy a pack but other than some fishers that are ready to sail the sea, he sees no other business around there.

 

He walks to where he usually stands before the ocean, a wooden part of the pier with wooden fence as a safety. The light from the few boats look like lanterns beneath the water. Looking far far away to the dark sea, he doesn't notice that time has passed enough to boil water and serve tea.

 

Not until he hears steps of somebody else does he look away from the ocean, Baekhyun is here. 

 

Chanyeol knows both of them is trying to remove the awkwardness that is threatening to emerge when they look at each other's eyes. He hopes he's doing well on his side by nodding his head, acknowledging his presence.

 

No one talks until at least two minutes later. Chanyeol is the breaker.

 

"You took cab?"

 

"Yeah." Baekhyun sweeps his nose, "This is my first time coming here. Nice place," He said.

 

"Every time I visit this pier it's always like this, almost deserted. But that's the charm."

 

Baekhyun takes a step closer to the ocean. He puts his hands on the fence enjoying the view, even though it's just simply darkness.

 

"How have you been?" Chanyeol asks.

 

"Good." He doesn't explain further neither asked back, perhaps because it sounds like an empty question which is actually not. Chanyeol truly wants to know how days have been treating him.

 

"I think I saw you during the Graduation day."

 

"I think I saw you too." 

 

Chanyeol chuckles, "We should've just greeted each other. At least we'll get a graduation picture together."

 

"Such a shame," Baekhyun agrees with him.

 

Chanyeol sees Baekhyun tighten his jacket, and he thinks he has to fast forward his mission before the weather gets colder.

 

"Baekhyun, I have something to tell you."

 

"That's why I'm here."

 

"I want to apologize." He grips the fence, "for behaving unreasonably the last time we talked. I was afraid, angry at myself and just broken. I shouldn't have reacted that way, to you. I'm sorry."

 

Chanyeol thinks Baekhyun knows it's not easy for him to say this things. Baekhyun keeps silent, perhaps giving him time to explain more.

 

"I'm going to Dubai for internship. And when I realized I'll leave for months, I admit, I've been thinking of you every single day since I don't even remember when and I just have to talk to you now, to have closure." Even the crash of waves is not as clear as what Chanyeol has just said, "I don't want you to be a shadow during my days there, I need you to forgive me, for everything."

 

"Why should I?" There's malice in his voice and Chanyeol has to hold himself not to be provoked.

 

"Baekhyun,"

 

"So one day you wanted me, the next day you decided to stop, and today you're cutting everything with me? Don't you hear how self-centered you are?"

 

Chanyeol almost can't believe what he just heard. He was the one who suffered, he was the one who struggled, how can he be the bad guy now. Still he needs to be patient for the sake of a closure, "I'm not cutting you. I just want to cut this unwanted feeling towards you, I asked for your forgiveness because this almost ruined what we already have. I'm doing this for us."

 

"For us?" 

 

Baekhyun finally looks at him and just then Chanyeol notices the glassy look in his distraught eyes. A pair of eyes that is always so alive, now seems hollow, betrayed, and broken. He sees red when Baekhyun punches him hard on his jaw, throwing him several steps backward. It stings and tastes like blood. 

 

"That's for you.” There is a crack in his voice, “For making me trust you enough that we can have a future, together, but giving it up without even bothering to ask me if I see that too." The pain on his jaw still pinches him but his brain never processes anything as fast as this, "Also for leaving me alone now, with all of my dreams about us. Sure, go climb your greasy pole, Park."

 

There are only two reasons as to why Byun Baekhyun cries, Chanyeol knows it very well. First, because he's so so angry. Second, because he feels really really wrong.

 

All the possibilities have never been so possible to happen before his eyes and no, Chanyeol never want Baekhyun to think of how wrong this is at all. 

 

"Say it again," Chanyeol takes one step.

 

"Go climb your greasy pole you asshole."

 

Last step.

 

There's a frown in his eyebrows, a look that's very sad before a single tear finally runs down his face, "But come back to me," and Chanyeol kisses him.

 

He kisses him with an explosion in his chest, finally, with a deep press for longing, a slow tug for relief, a quick push for assurance, and a change of angle for affection he always wish he can show him without holding back. He kisses him right this time.

 

Baekhyun’s cheeks are finally warm in the quickest possible way and the grip on Chanyeol's  collar is strong. It's almost painful to detach from the kiss. Their lips are still touching when they let air fill their lungs properly.

 

Chanyeol is still absorbing all the sensation when Baekhyun rests his forehead on his collarbone, hands tugging weakly on his jacket as his heart rate slows down.

 

And then there's a rumble of what sounds like a relieved laughter. Chanyeol imitates the sound and brings his arms around the man he thinks he'll never ever want to let go anymore.

 

"Did we just kiss?" Baekhyun asks incredulously.

 

He still hides his face and it's just too cute, Chanyeol wants to squeeze him but also  _ God, is this seriously happening?  _ He wants to scream at the ocean.

 

"What do you think?" Chanyeol teases.

 

"I think you enjoyed it too much." 

 

"I did." He laughs again, "It’s a thousand times much better than the first one.”

 

Baekhyun’s head snaps up to look at him,  _ hi there _ , “What do you mean?” He asks, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

 

“Nothing.” Chanyeol thinks it’s better for him to keep that little secret for himself. A mistaken kiss that turns into his lucky charm. His arms are still caging Baekhyun and he feels giddy at the realization yet he doesn’t want to let it go yet.

 

“Stop smiling like that it’s gross.” Baekhyun says, face blooming under Chanyeol’s gaze but it just makes Chanyeol grin wider, at least until he feels the ache on his jaw.

 

The ache is nothing compared to the way Baekhyun caresses the wound and kisses it though, “You should've punched me back.”

 

“Nah, it’s worth it.” Chanyeol tightens his hug, “Can I have another kiss though?”

 

Baekhyun chuckles, “On one condition.” Chanyeol is waiting, “Live with me. Stay with me until your departure.”

 

The moon is a perfect rich yellow circle. Chanyeol answers with the kiss.

 

+++

 

Epilogue

  
  


Baekhyun is still finishing the last two last chapters of Maya Angelou’s ‘I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings’ under the shelter of his Rip Curl shades when he realizes a girl in a bikini lying not too far from his side has been ogling a particular swimmer in the pool. He shakes his head in amusement. A sudden blow of wind flips through the pages randomly, stopping at the front page where a _happy birthday, B! ㅡWheein_ is nicely written. It makes him smile.

 

“Hey,”

 

Suddenly there’s a figure completely blocking him from the filtered sunlight, turning his sight to an almost complete darkness. He raises his back from his beach chair when he sees the intruder crouching down to reach a white towel on the table, water dripping his tanned body, making God's work glisten under the light.

 

“Hey babe,” He takes advantage of the proximity of their faces to give the man’s plump lips a playful peck, “Tired?”

 

Chanyeol is slightly surprised by his boyfriend’s public display of affection, “Uh, what was that for?”

 

Baekhyun gets up, “That girl has been eye fucking you for at least thirty minutes under my watch. Just wanna make sure to claim what’s mine,” His whisper is ended by pats on Chanyeol’s abs.

 

Chanyeol wasn’t surprised when on his fourth month of his internship, Baekhyun notified him that he’s flying across the universe to visit him. It was planned anyway. But ever since they officially became ‘boyfriends’ Chanyeol quickly learned who is the clingier possessive one. Chanyeol doesn’t complain though, he in fact enjoys it a bit too much.

 

Baekhyun was a koala during Chanyeol’s two weeks of existence in his flat before they got separated. He clinged to him days and nights, he couldn’t even let Chanyeol take a shower alone. The only time he managed to get away from him was when Chanyeol took a dump, thank God. But it was cute and fun, especially when bed time comes.

 

Chanyeol still couldn’t believe that Baekhyun, miraculously, fell in love with literature. Every night Baekhyun would ask him to read his favorite book of poetry and prose,  _ Milk and Honey _ . He found out that the unforgettable line Baekhyun whispered to him on the ball came from this book. They made love almost every time Chanyeol was in the middle reading. It’s decided then that his voice is Baekhyun’s weakness.

 

On the last night before his departure, Baekhyun hid his face again in Chanyeol’s chest, “Aren’t you afraid?” he asked. Chanyeol brought him closer to his embrace, “Why? It’s just you and I.” The kiss he gave on the top of Baekhyun’s head was a promise that they’re gonna be fine.

 

And things, as expected, have been going well. They both are serious in building a strong base for their career. Baekhyun is assigned as a junior officer at his family business just like the plan. Sometimes the skype call was all about work, weekend mostly used for online gaming, and phone sex was inevitable once in a while. Absolutely Baekhyun’s favorite. 

 

Sometimes Chanyeol gets startled when he feels a soft kiss on his neck out of nowhere. Sometimes he has to remind himself that this is all real, no more doubt, no more dream. Sometimes all you need to do is take a chance and see if it’s meant to be. 

 

"Hey, sexy! Come on! I didn't fly to Dubai just to watch you stand dumbly there."

 

+++

 

_ If everything has been written down, so why worry, we say _

_ It’s you and me with a little left of sanity _

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist
> 
>  
> 
> Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls
> 
> Ballroom Dancing - Young Mozart
> 
> Stardust - Sonny Beckerlee
> 
> Gravity - Sara Bareilles
> 
> Dewi Lestari - Grow A Day Older
> 
> Dreams - Imaginary Future


End file.
